3 Months...

Three months have passed since I have been in my new job, so many new wonderful changes, new car, new house, soon-to-be-new-wife, soon-to-be-new-mother-in-law, all good changes.

Arranging a gay wedding is stressful, personally I think its for more stressful than organising a straight wedding!

1. Father of the bride paying? which father or which bride pays for the wedding? ...erm generally they dont pay at all the brides pay for themselves!

2. The person marrying us? well you would be surprised how hard it is to find a non-nominational, non-religious person to marry a non-practicing jew and a non-practicing christian! the Rabbi will marry 2 gay jews and the priest will marry 2 gay christians, lets not even talk about the pagens who will not marry a jew and a christian who do not fully practice paganism!

3. The gifts? well we have been living together for 2 years and have established our home, we not need more toasters, towls and crockery - give us vouchers or money by all means!

4. The guest list? why do people think that this is a gay birthday party, jeez people its a fully paid for wedding what part of "you are not allowed to bring any old date that we havent met" do you not understand!

5.Family? aaaah family, I wish I was able to choose my family. I am not sure why a same-sex wedding would cause such incredible animosity but lets not go there.

Straight people have it good when organsing a wedding!

BRIDEZILLA and her project plan!

I found this 6 month plan on the internet which is fab!

Six Months in Advance of Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Pick a date
* Tell Friends and Family of your intentions
* Throw an Engagement Party
* Begin Notebook or other organization system to keep track of estimates, ideas and to-do lists.
* Make a guest list
* Plan theme or tone of wedding
* Hire Wedding Planner (if you're using one)
* Make a preliminary Budget
* Meet with potential officiants
* Meet with lawyer to draw up paperwork -- especially in places that do not have gay marriage or civil unions.
* Visit potential locations for ceremony and reception and sign contract (Note popular places are often booked more than one year in advance.)
* Visit a bridal show or start getting estimates for
1. Florist
2. Caterer
3. Photographer or videographer
4. DJ or Musicians
5. Invitation printing

Three to Four Months before Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Order wedding invitations
* Send "save the date" announcements to out of town guests
* Shop for and buy wedding rings
* Decide what you're going to wear and order wedding dresses, tuxes, or special outfits
* Shop for and taste wedding cakes
* Register for Gifts
* Reserve limos if you're going to use them
* Arrange for accommodations for out of town guests
* Reserve wedding night room for bride & bride
* Decide on wedding party members
* Choose and set menu with caterer
* Sign contracts with photographer, florist, DJ or musicians
* Start planning honeymoon

Two to Three Months Before Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Mail invitations
* Write vows
* Attend bridal shower
* Finalize ceremony with officiant
* Order wedding cake
* Schedule wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
* Purchase wedding attire
* If you're going to change your names, file paperwork

One to Two Months Before Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Work out music selection with DJ
* Finalize ceremony
* Finalize honeymoon plans
* Meet with photographer to plan shot list
* Buy gifts for attendants
* Confirm menu and number of guests with caterer
* Apply for marriage license, civil union certificate or domestic partnership paperwork
* Send thank you cards as gifts come in
* Contact any guests who have not RSVPed

The Last Two Weeks Before Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Make sure your still want to get married (kidding!)
* Reconfirm all arrangements, including times of set-up and delivery with music, photographer, caterers, wedding site and car service
* Write and rehearse toasts for rehearsal dinner and wedding dinner
* Finalize honeymoon plans, including arranging pet sitting, etc while gone
* Assign day of wedding responsibilities to your wedding party
* Attend rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
* Try on your wedding attire and make sure it all still fits
* Do something special for yourself, like a manicure or massage
* Try to get sleep, so you're rested for the big day

The Wedding day:
* Walk down the aisle
* Live happily ever after!

Help! I'm turning into BRIDEZILLA!!

I have just realized that I am getting married in 6 months and there is so much to organize! so much to think about!

Weddings and festivities seem to bring out the best and worst in people. I have already had a fight with my sister, about to give the rest of my family a invitation and an ultimatum, as you can imagine being a lesbian is o.k. as long as no-one knows about it and its not announced to the world, which is precisely what I am doing, announcing to the world that I love my girl!

There is something very powerful about proclaiming your intentions in front the people in your life.

Getting married is a great excuse to throw a big party and have a lot of fun!

Planning a straight wedding is one thing there are rules, and procedures that have been followed for centuries.

But how does one plan a gay / lesbian wedding?

Is there a best man? or best woman? does someone wear the suit and someone the dress?
if you are not a virgin do you have to wear white?

What about the venue, if we arrange it at a formal location, will they be open to a whole bunch of gay and lesbian hooligans and a lesbian wedding ceremony on their premises.
Will the staff of the venue snigger behind our backs?

if the photographer is male as they generally are, he get a hard on by taking photos of two lesbians kiss?

What do you do about a first dance? who leads if neither of you are butch nor femme?

Does one throw a bouquet or a garter?

What does one do with a bachelor or a hen party? Do we have one together? do we have one separately so that the guys that are invited don’t feel left out.

One thing that I have learnt, communicate with your fiance and learn to negotiate!

Personally I think we should run off to Las Vegas come home to a family dinner and say "pass the salt, we got married"!

On bended knee!

I proposed to my girl on bended knee and all!

Why? People have asked. Are you insane? People have said. Why conform to the rest of heterosexual society surely us gay / lesbian people do not have to conform to the rest of the world?

This was not a rash decision, this was not a decision made in the “after –glow” of sex, you know those decisions you make after having a great orgasm? you look at your lover, tell her you love her and ask her to marry you!

Nope this was a well thought out and planned decision.

Here are just a few of reasons to get married that people do not know about:

Couples marrying in terms of the Civil Union Act may choose whether their union is called a civil partnership or a marriage partnership.

Couples joined in a marriage partnership in terms of that act enjoy the same privileges as couples married in terms of the Marriage Act.

Transfer, Bereavement Leave, Burial Determination, Child Custody , Crime Victim’s Recovery Benefits
Divorce Protections, Domestic Violence Protection, Exemption from Property Tax on Partner’s Death
Immunity from Testifying Against Spouse, Insurance Breaks, Joint Adoption and Foster Care
Joint Bankruptcy, Joint Parenting (Insurance Coverage, School Records), Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner
Certain Property Rights , Sick Leave to Care for Partner, Visitation of Partner’s Children
Wrongful Death (Loss of Consort) Benefits, Insurance Breaks, Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner
Tax Breaks and Visitation of Partner in Hospital or Prison

As well as a logical decision this was also a decision of love, and of being in love and waking up with the realization that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The person you want to grow old with and get your blue rinses at the same hairdresser at the age of 80.

Not many people get to feel this way about someone, I thank the universe every day for having someone like her in my life, she makes the craziness of my family more bearable and my life livable.

And now let me get back to my wedding arrangements…

Work.

I have resigned from my boring help desk job and move forward to a wonderful new career...I have been in an openly gay friendly company where the 10% of the gay/lesbian people in South Africa work for this company, the CEO when interviewing says to the candidates that if they have a problem with gay people then the company is not the place for them.

I have really enjoyed my company from this aspect, being an out lesbian it was really great being able to be myself without that fear of "what if someone finds out!"

As a parting gift I have awarded Mr Men and Little Ms Characters to my company and team.

Mr. "I'm working from home" A.K.A Mr. “Boss” - he is really on the golf course or in his garden.

Mr. "Nice Guy" - nice because the HR person told him to be.

Little Ms "Work-a-holic" - she doesn't have a life and too afraid to get one.

Mr. "Cool" A.K.A Mr. "Debt" he has a new hairstyle each week and drives buys the things he doesn’t need with the money he doesn’t have.

Little Miss "Label” – she is closely related to Mr. “Debt” you will also see her in designer wear, new hairstyles and new shoes all bought on credit of course.

Little Miss “Gossip” – this needs no explanation.

Mr. “Gossip” – hangs out with Little Miss “Gossip” and knows a lot more information than she does.

Little Miss “Kiss Ass” A.K.A Little Miss “Company Bicycle” – she literally kisses ass and as much of it as possible, her close friend is Mr. “I promise- you- a- promotion- if –you- blow –me”.

Mr. “Give-me-a-hug” A.K.A Mr. “Sexual Harasser” – who pretends to just need a hug but assures you that you are not his type and he is married with 3.5 kids.

Little Miss “Perfect” A.K.A Little Miss “Megalomaniac” – her close friend is Little
Miss “Kiss Ass” – usually in a management position never wants to delegate work for fear of having it done better than her.

Mr. “Lazy” – he hangs around the coffee machine and spends time with Mr. “Stupid”, he is always late and loves sending other people email about not doing his tasks or gets Mr. “Stupid” to complete them for him.

Mr.” Politician” A.K.A Mr. “Backstabber” – he hangs around the senior manager's offices, plays golf and has lunches in order for him to get the top job whilst not having to work for it.

Little Miss “Helpful” A.K.A Little Miss “Can’t say NO”– the most wonderful person in the office, also the most used and abused.

Little Miss “Office Furniture” – she has been at the company for years , she has been doing the same thing for years and is not about to leave until she dies in her chair.

Mr. “Hypochondriac “ – he spends most of his day telling everyone about his aches and pains and usually they are worse than yours!

Little Miss and Mr. “Party Animals” – they spend their time drinking and getting stoned. They go to company parties just for the free drinks and food.

Mr. “Loud” – what is that old saying about empty vessels?

Little Miss “Silent” – she daydreams about bring an AK47 to the office and killing them all.

Mr. “Office Clown” A.K.A Mr. “Attention Seeker” – no explanation, tends to be ignored by the rest of the company, people don’t laugh with him they laugh at him.

Little Miss “Honest and Reliable” and Mr. “Honest and Reliable – these are very sought after, prehistoric creatures and a company would be honoured to have one of these.

I am going to miss them all.

So Im Engayged!

Well I proposed to my girlfriend, my lover, my best friend, my angel on bended knee with poem and rose in hand!

I have such feelings of elation and love knowing that she wants to spend the rest of her life listening to me snore.

She wants to spend the rest of her life loving me and I am going to spend the rest of my life loving her.

I have not stopped smiling since she said yes, I have been on a "love" high for the last month!

SA is one of 7 countries in the world where gay / lesbian marriage is legal and where we have rights. I am so thankful that I can share my love for my same-sex partner, there are so many people who have died for their beliefs and this cause.

people ask how does one know when to take that next step, my personal answer to myself was when my brain, heart and loins were all on the same page about the same person that's when I knew it was time.

I look forward to many happy moments with my wife to be and hope we can live to the age where we will look cool in purple hats!

Wow what a year! 2009

This year has been quit an eye opener for me in terms of relationships, friendships, career, family and traveling.

My highlights for this year have been:

1. Going to London, Paris and Amsterdam - it has really given me itchy feet to do some much more of it.

2. Getting to know and trust my partner more, loving everything about her, opening myself up just a little more ( I highly recommend this!) to know that long term relationships can be fulfilling.

3. Getting to know my cousins again, they have been living in England for years and I never see them.
Seeing my aunt and re-connecting with her, I am so glad to have a family member in my life who just knows me.

4. Achieving in a course, learning that I can learn, truly getting back into the studying after a long while.

5. The wool being pulled from my eyes, seeing things clearly in terms of my work and what I want from my career, realising that people can be such users, can hurt, can undermine and can put down how strong I have become? I realised that I too need to be appreciated and that I too matter!

6.Being able to maintain my weight somewhat as a person who battles with the bulge.

7.Creating new friendships and ridding myself of the friends that do not contribute positively to my life.

8.Learning how to stretch my money further this year with the recession.

9.Learning that when things get tough not to throw in the towel. Just keep going.

10.Learning that in your 30's perspective seems to come into focus.

Lets say goodbye to 2009, hoping that 2010 will be far better and more goals reached, let 2010 be peaceful, prosperous, healthy and loving!