Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Its been a while...

Its been a while since I have posted anything on my blog, I have loads of inspiration but not much inclination among subjects such as who speaks for the children whose parents choose an alternative lifestyle, or gay pride and what a huge amount of lesbians marched this year or how so many of my gay/lesbian friends seem to be getting married or should I say "Civil Unioned" where do I start?

The only thing I feel like doing today is posting a beautiful poem sent to me by my better half!

I carry your heart with me
ee cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling i fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true) and its you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the sould can hope or mind can hide and this is the wonder thats keeping the stars apart.

i carry your heart ( i carry it in my heart)




Strange questions asked to lesbians

In the last couple of years since coming out the closet, I have been asked some of the weirdest questions by heterosexual people, some have been ignorant, some have been intelligent, some have been curious and some have been darn right rude!
I am not sure why people ask such strange questions, we dont examine the lives of heterosexual people! There are times where I feel like a mouse in a scientific lab.


Do you have a secret handshake?

Don’t you want a real man?

Can I watch?

Can I join?

Once you have had me you will change

Is it easy to spot a gay person?

How do you do it?

Do you use toys?

What about penetration? lesbians dont experience 'real' penetration.

Is homosexual love the same as heterosexual love?

Is homosexuality natural?

How can lesbians and gay men be good parents?

How do they become parents?

Do gay people molest of recruit children?

Is there discrimination?

Why is there such self hatred?

A few years ago, you moved in with a woman, after leaving the father of your children. Do you find it easier living with a woman than a man because you have more in common?

You can use the same bathroom in movie theaters, for instance.

Can you share clothes?

Does she watch sports on TV?

Do you think of her as the male figure in the relationship?

Asked to me by a straight girl: am I your type? if I said No - she said - why not I am a woman! Do lesbians have types?

Where do lesbians meet other lesbians, at strip clubs?

Why do gay men act "weird"?

Do lesbians watch porn?

Its obvious how two women can be together, it because they like the same thing in bed right?

How do you know you are a lesbian?


I refuse to answer any of these questions, why should I justify my lifestyle or life decisions to appease other peoples

Work and being out at a job...

always wondered why certain lesbians choose the certain work that they do...for instance I myself would be a (lets label it...) "soft butch" a "tom boy" "A chapstick lesbian" also known androgynous. She usually dresses quite casually and does not wear make-up,

I have have landed myself in administration work for the past 10 years after finishing Fashion School and being told that I do not fit the "designer mold" ..not sure what that meant or still means but I became quite despondant, I put myself through secretarial school and tried to be a normal corporate PA and was told that I wasn't "feminine enough" also not sure that meant, if Ellen can find a job and be accepted as the chapstick, soft butch lesbian and not have to be 'feminine' why cant the rest of us?
Unless you are truly one of those girls who people really question whether or not you are gay, the real lipstick feminine lesbian its difficult to find a company and a job who will let you wear what you want, suits included, talk about your latest lover or longstanding partner and be "out" and comfortable.
I now work in an environment which is not what you would call a 'accepting' environment. Although the Human Resources and policies are very good and protect the employee they cannot protect the employee from underlying prejudice and its hard hiding who I am and dicussing my 'partner' without calling her my wife or having to explain why I dont have kids and probably never will. In a sense I feel like I am back in the closet hiding my life. Pretending to be someone I am not. I am scared to '
come out'

Life with dogs!

Its been a long time since I have blogged. Its 2012, how on earth did the time go by so fast. This has been quite a challenging year for me. My Bipolar flared up again so meds where changed. I got a new job but I havent come out much except to about 4 people, the people are challenging the work not so much but my salary and benefits are great so I can thank the heavens that I got this job. The most challenging part of this year was getting dogs, 2 siblings I might add, a boy and a girl Yorkshire terriers. Scaramouche and Galileo. they are affectionate and naughty but loving at the same time. They dont like the cat. who ran a way for 2 weeks. I am so grateful he returned!! NOBODY told us that getting litter mates would be such hard work and that its actually considered 'illegal' to sell litter mates. For those people considering litter mates please read the below areticle first! Below is an article I found about keeping litter mates: Sibling Dogs: The Worst Of Both Worlds Buying Two Puppies The incidence of owners purchasing "Siblings", either same sex or brother and sister from the same litter or two puppies from different litters and breeds but of similar ages is now more prevalent than at any other time in living memory. The old professional dogmen and owners knew about the pitfalls and problems that this action would create. Unfortunately this knowledge now appears to have been lost on today’s dog owners. On the surface the idea of purchasing siblings appears to be highly commendable. With the busy lifestyles we now lead, it would seem feasible to take on two pups. They could stimulate each other and keep themselves company, hopefully alleviating any separation anxiety. They could also imitate the good characteristics of each other and will be able to do everything together. thereby benefitting from that closeness and companionship gleaning untold pleasure from each others company. Sounds fantastic, unfortunately the reality is far from this ideal, you really get the worst of both worlds in this scenario. The puppies come to rely on each other and it weakens both of them, often to the extent that they become withdrawn from everything other than themselves. I call it “Littermate Syndrome”. Often one of the dogs will appear bold and the other timid. In reality the bold one is actually somewhat withdrawn and timid when his littermate is not there to give support. Unfortunately it is normally a false boldness in reality he has been emboldened by the others siblings weakness. They often bark and yap at other dogs, and may either pretend to attack or actually attack to chase the other dogs away. This is normally fear based, they become so engrossed with each other that all other dogs are seen as a threat to their mutual alliance. This unfortunate pair may come to fear all other dogs and unknown people, plus any situation where they are separated from each other. The stress this causes can often then spill over into aggression against each other culminating in fighting, in some cases causing serious injury or even death, known as “Sibling Rivalry” Strangely enough the worst fights are normally between bitches who can fight to the death. Although nothing is set in stone, generally bringing together dogs with too many similar qualities, ie age, size, sex, temperament and breed, may spark a conflict. So many related characteristics make it difficult for them to decide who is the alpha or top dog; therefore fights occur because of the similarities. Often, we can inadvertently cause the conflict; owners can disturb the hierarchical balance by rushing to protect the would-be subordinate from being “bullied” or “picked on”, granting him/her liberties, such as being petted first, which the other dog may consider his due. The lower dog may now feel emboldened enough to challenge the bolder dog. We need to understand that dogs have their own set of social rules, whereas we humans just want democracy,” What Happens in the Wild?: With wild canid's the young pup's stay within their pack and play together constantly. That is true of Wolves, Wild dogs, Coyotes, Jackals, Dingoes and most other wild mammals. Whilst these litter mates are together they learn how to inhibit their bite, how to meet and greet each other and that all important body language is learned from their siblings during this time. They mainly learn meeting and greeting techniques from their siblings not the adult animals. During this time they also learn the rules regarding hierarchy, rank, and position and social interaction. That is why it is so vitally important that young pups go to puppy socialisation classes as young as possible. This all happens between the time they are born and 16 weeks. Then like a light switch being turned off they start to distance themselves from their siblings. Sleeping alone and showing aggression by threatening any sibling that approaches within a two or three foot radious often shunning extended contact with their brothers and sisters. This is an inbuilt genetic device to make sure that they absorb into the pack rather than over-bond with their littermates, which would be to the detriment of the pack as a whole hunting and working entity. Unfortunately the domestic dog doesn't have this switch, massive over-bonding can therefore occur. Their inter-relationship becomes so intense that it controls everything they do. They suffer when separated, even for small periods of time, the relationship they have with their owners may also decline and they start to look inwards rather than outwards. Siblings are also more difficult to train and in many cases will start fighting when the get to the onset of puberty. They rarely reach full maturity as they tend to be mentally and sometimes physically stunted by the closeness to each other. I have seen German Shepherds and Utonagans bought as littermates and their eyes have never become erect as with normal adult. If it can have that type of physical effect just imagine what is occuring psychologically. We see this with human twins. Schools now separate them into different classes so they can learn without the constant interaction with their twin. Parents are advised from a young age to stimulate and play with twins separately, helping them to become more rounded adults rather than a symbiotic double act. I have twin brothers and twin grandchildren so I do have some experience of this phenomenon. Fighting: In many cases where these sibling puppies have come to totally rely on each other then frustrations can play a part in causing underlying animosity. This manifests itself in aggression as they approach both physical and social maturity. Fights and squabbles may regularly break out culminating in what appears to be all out war, where they cannot stand the sight of each other. It is normally at this time when all else has failed that I am called in. Fortunately I have a very high degree of success in sorting out interdog aggression especially with two dogs in the same household whether they are siblings or just two dogs that do not appear to get on anymore, or their is a battle for superiority. If you need to break up a fight, squirt the dogs with water or make a noise aversion fallback to break the circle of aggression and to distract them. Never attempt to break up a dog fight by grabbing the dogs by their collar or getting in between them. Grabbing dogs whilst they are fighting can result in "redirected aggression," where a dog bites you because he thinks you are part of the conflict. Sometimes the problem can be resolved if, instead of protecting the underdog the owner supports the hierarchy ie the top dog. Firstly determine who is the more dominant, reinforce that position by feeding, greeting, playing or letting the top dog out first. Usually this will help, but not always. “The problem with that approach is that it’s often difficult to tell who should be the alpha dog, it is also difficult for owners to play favourites with their dogs. Two Choices: To my mind you have two choices with siblings from the same litter or two young pups from different breeds, Whilst I believe the first solution is the most practicable, which is to re-home one of them, I am also aware it is the hardest and most difficult for the owners. If not they will always be damaged by their almost total reliance on each other. If you decide to choose this alternative, you can home one of the dogs with another family member or a trusted friend. You will see dramatic improvements to the personalities of both pups. These changes occur almost immediately. Be aware that the longer you delay the harder it will be to part with one of your pups. It is a difficult and agonising decision for someone to make. However in the long run it is in yours and ultimately both your dog’s best interest. Your second choice is to create two individual dogs, with two separate identities and personalities, without the total reliance on each other that normally happens in these situations. To do this you will need to work twice as hard because all the things you did together you will now need to do totally apart. Things you must do: Everything must now be done independently to allow for the Siblings to have any chance of becoming separate entities instead of the reduced sum of the whole. Walk them separately Feed them separately Train them separately Crate them separately Play with them separately Stimulate them separately
Literally everything you do should be separate. That includes Puppy and Training classes if possible, take them to a trainer that understands the inherent difficulties of raising two puppies together. Take them on separate nights if that is available, hopefully to the same trainer. They can play together but only at strict designated times and for a period of no more than 15 minutes each designated play time. This regime will not be for life, as the pups will after a period of about 12 to 14 months have formed their own personalities and temperaments; at this age they will have become confident of their own individual abilities. Not as in most cases total inter-dependence on each other when they are raised, trained, and fed together. Without the total reliance on their sibling for constant support they will grow and blossom into much rounder and less aggressive and fearful individuals. I cannot stress how important it is to separate the siblings until they are older. It will produce two individuals rather than an impaired two parts of the whole. It is worth stating that it is not only siblings that have these problems. If you raise two young pups from different litters or even breeds, you can have similar problems. I always recommend my clients to wait till their puppy is 14 months old before purchasing another puppy. allows you to concentrate all your efforts on that individual, with a fair wind and good training it will take on some of the good traits of the older more experienced dog. I think what truly annoys me are the breeders that sell siblings knowing that it will cause behavioural problems.In some cases they actually use emotional blackmail to push two pups on the unsuspecting buyer, For instance "what a shame you can't take two as I may have problems as he's so small/white/little/runt etc and I'll probably have to have him put down in the end". I have no respect for a breeder that uses these tactics or that sell littermates to one owner. If they are experienced and not a first time breeder then they are well aware of the pitfalls of these actions, and that the dogs will suffer for the rest of their lives. You can use this article in either your own website or printed, but only with the following statement at the top of the piece with the link back to my site: Stan Rawlinson (Doglistener) is a Dog Behaviourist and Obedience Trainer who has owned and worked dogs for over 30 years, starting with Gundogs then moving on to the behavioural and obedience side of Companion Dogs. He now has a successful practice covering London , Surrey and Middlesex you can visit his Web Site at www.doglistener.co.uk or E-mail him on enquiries@doglistener.co.uk. And the statement below at the bottom of the piece -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This article was written by ©Stan (The Original Doglistener). A professional full time Dog Behaviourist and Obedience Trainer. You can visit his website at www.doglistener.co.uk for more articles and training information.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Somebody that I used to know - Love this song - reminds me of my bad break ups

GOTYE LYRICS Send "Somebody That I Used To Know" "Somebody That I Used To Know" (feat. Kimbra) [Gotye:] Now and then I think of when we were together Like when you said you felt so happy you could die Told myself that you were right for me But felt so lonely in your company But that was love and it's an ache I still remember You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness Like resignation to the end, always the end So when we found that we could not make sense Well you said that we would still be friends But I'll admit that I was glad it was over But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough No you didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records and then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now you're just somebody that I used to know [Kimbra:] Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done But I don't wanna live that way Reading into every word you say You said that you could let it go And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know [Gotye:] But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough And you didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records and then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know [x2] Somebody (I used to know) Somebody (Now you're just somebody that I used to know) (I used to know) (That I used to know) (I used to know) Somebody