My Sport

I have recently got my black recommended belt in Taekwondo, it is such an achievment for me, I am not thin person nor have I been a very confident person unless of course I have had a couple of drinks under my belt!
I have been doing this sport for 3 years going on 4 and hope to achieve my black belt next year which would be a dream come true.

I have also started assisting in the kids class which has been feeding my soul, kids are amazing little people. I have been enjoying it so much, I think it also feeds the broody side of me.

I took my photos to show my dad, he was so very proud of me so such an extent that he was glowing.

my point, Taekwondo is a very big part of my life almost as big as getting married to my partner in 3 weeks time which to me is also a milestone and an achievement.

I just cant help feeling hurt that he wants to be part of my sport but doesnt want to be part of my wedding!

To my daddy....

He told me he was done parenting, he told me I have hurt him, he told me to get over myself that he will not be attending my wedding, he told me that I have shattered his dreams, he told me that he cant accept me marrying a woman and not a man, he told me, he told me he told me….

I was told me he will come around eventually, I was told to do the right thing, I was told me that he will get used to the idea, I was told that he will feel guilty and talk to me about it again. I was told, I was told, I was told....

My dad, my dearest daddy, who man I have admired, respected, put on a pedestal, looked up to, whose wings I have wanted to protect me from the world, whose advice I have always taken and whom I love so much….

Has disappointed me and hurt me, he keeps saying how I am so much like him.
Truth is…I am not like him as much as I thought I was or even as much as he thought I was. He doesnt know me anymore.

I am open minded, I accept people for who they are even those that anger and disappoint me. I love unconditionally. I don’t sweep things under the carpet thinking that they will disappear, I don’t have high expectations of people anymore and I give second chances. I try and listen and reserve my judgement untill I have heard both sides.

I took my dad out for lunch today, even though I haven’t spoken to him or my mother for nearly a month. I put my anger and hurt and disappointment aside to just love my dad because he is going through a rough time, because I thought that he needed some support.

Dad, why cant you see what I have become? How I have grown and matured into the woman I am, how you have helped me do that? How proud you should be of me? How hurt I am that you are not going to celebrate my special day with me? How you were the one that showed me that all people are to be respected, how to always be positive when things dont go my way.

Werent you the one that told me how life is like a clean, undriven sheet of snow, becareful how you mark it because every mark will show?

Why cant you just open your eyes?

What is an O.W.L

What is an O.W.L?

In Lesbian terms its what we call an "Older Wiser Lesbian". It refers to us older girls in the lesbian community who are between 35 years and older.

I realized I was an O.W.L when I started giving advice to my newbie lesbian friends who have just come out of the closet.

What surprised me, was when did I actually become an OWL?

What does being an OWL actually mean?

for me it means being in the community that long that you have gotten the T-shirts so to speak, you have been around the block a few times and know what you are in for when dating women.

I have met them all in my 10 years of being out. I have met the straight girls who want an "experience", I have met the stalkers, the psychopaths, the manipulators, the cheaters, the players, the girls who just want to be your friend, the ex girlfriend who just wasnt that into you, girl you were not into and the girl you admired from afar. I have met the alcoholics, the hippies, the drug addicts, the chat addicts, the sms addicts, the cute girl that you just cant have, the cute girl that cant have you. I have had a long distance relationship, I have dated a few girls at a time, so personally I think that I have done my time on the dating scene.

as far as the age is concerned - yes I have been out for 10 years and it is you 'coming out' years that really count, the years you grow into a happy, confident gay person. I have had 10 years to grow and learn and make mistakes.

Wise? I suppose going through the growing pains have made me alot wiser if not a little bit cynical but wiser never the less. Wise enough to know the games lesbians play.

I believe in paying it forward and if my experience, knowledge and advice helps the next generation of newbies, I am honoured to have played my part and left my mark.

3 Months...

Three months have passed since I have been in my new job, so many new wonderful changes, new car, new house, soon-to-be-new-wife, soon-to-be-new-mother-in-law, all good changes.

Arranging a gay wedding is stressful, personally I think its for more stressful than organising a straight wedding!

1. Father of the bride paying? which father or which bride pays for the wedding? ...erm generally they dont pay at all the brides pay for themselves!

2. The person marrying us? well you would be surprised how hard it is to find a non-nominational, non-religious person to marry a non-practicing jew and a non-practicing christian! the Rabbi will marry 2 gay jews and the priest will marry 2 gay christians, lets not even talk about the pagens who will not marry a jew and a christian who do not fully practice paganism!

3. The gifts? well we have been living together for 2 years and have established our home, we not need more toasters, towls and crockery - give us vouchers or money by all means!

4. The guest list? why do people think that this is a gay birthday party, jeez people its a fully paid for wedding what part of "you are not allowed to bring any old date that we havent met" do you not understand!

5.Family? aaaah family, I wish I was able to choose my family. I am not sure why a same-sex wedding would cause such incredible animosity but lets not go there.

Straight people have it good when organsing a wedding!

BRIDEZILLA and her project plan!

I found this 6 month plan on the internet which is fab!

Six Months in Advance of Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Pick a date
* Tell Friends and Family of your intentions
* Throw an Engagement Party
* Begin Notebook or other organization system to keep track of estimates, ideas and to-do lists.
* Make a guest list
* Plan theme or tone of wedding
* Hire Wedding Planner (if you're using one)
* Make a preliminary Budget
* Meet with potential officiants
* Meet with lawyer to draw up paperwork -- especially in places that do not have gay marriage or civil unions.
* Visit potential locations for ceremony and reception and sign contract (Note popular places are often booked more than one year in advance.)
* Visit a bridal show or start getting estimates for
1. Florist
2. Caterer
3. Photographer or videographer
4. DJ or Musicians
5. Invitation printing

Three to Four Months before Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Order wedding invitations
* Send "save the date" announcements to out of town guests
* Shop for and buy wedding rings
* Decide what you're going to wear and order wedding dresses, tuxes, or special outfits
* Shop for and taste wedding cakes
* Register for Gifts
* Reserve limos if you're going to use them
* Arrange for accommodations for out of town guests
* Reserve wedding night room for bride & bride
* Decide on wedding party members
* Choose and set menu with caterer
* Sign contracts with photographer, florist, DJ or musicians
* Start planning honeymoon

Two to Three Months Before Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Mail invitations
* Write vows
* Attend bridal shower
* Finalize ceremony with officiant
* Order wedding cake
* Schedule wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
* Purchase wedding attire
* If you're going to change your names, file paperwork

One to Two Months Before Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Work out music selection with DJ
* Finalize ceremony
* Finalize honeymoon plans
* Meet with photographer to plan shot list
* Buy gifts for attendants
* Confirm menu and number of guests with caterer
* Apply for marriage license, civil union certificate or domestic partnership paperwork
* Send thank you cards as gifts come in
* Contact any guests who have not RSVPed

The Last Two Weeks Before Your Lesbian Wedding:
* Make sure your still want to get married (kidding!)
* Reconfirm all arrangements, including times of set-up and delivery with music, photographer, caterers, wedding site and car service
* Write and rehearse toasts for rehearsal dinner and wedding dinner
* Finalize honeymoon plans, including arranging pet sitting, etc while gone
* Assign day of wedding responsibilities to your wedding party
* Attend rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
* Try on your wedding attire and make sure it all still fits
* Do something special for yourself, like a manicure or massage
* Try to get sleep, so you're rested for the big day

The Wedding day:
* Walk down the aisle
* Live happily ever after!

Help! I'm turning into BRIDEZILLA!!

I have just realized that I am getting married in 6 months and there is so much to organize! so much to think about!

Weddings and festivities seem to bring out the best and worst in people. I have already had a fight with my sister, about to give the rest of my family a invitation and an ultimatum, as you can imagine being a lesbian is o.k. as long as no-one knows about it and its not announced to the world, which is precisely what I am doing, announcing to the world that I love my girl!

There is something very powerful about proclaiming your intentions in front the people in your life.

Getting married is a great excuse to throw a big party and have a lot of fun!

Planning a straight wedding is one thing there are rules, and procedures that have been followed for centuries.

But how does one plan a gay / lesbian wedding?

Is there a best man? or best woman? does someone wear the suit and someone the dress?
if you are not a virgin do you have to wear white?

What about the venue, if we arrange it at a formal location, will they be open to a whole bunch of gay and lesbian hooligans and a lesbian wedding ceremony on their premises.
Will the staff of the venue snigger behind our backs?

if the photographer is male as they generally are, he get a hard on by taking photos of two lesbians kiss?

What do you do about a first dance? who leads if neither of you are butch nor femme?

Does one throw a bouquet or a garter?

What does one do with a bachelor or a hen party? Do we have one together? do we have one separately so that the guys that are invited don’t feel left out.

One thing that I have learnt, communicate with your fiance and learn to negotiate!

Personally I think we should run off to Las Vegas come home to a family dinner and say "pass the salt, we got married"!

On bended knee!

I proposed to my girl on bended knee and all!

Why? People have asked. Are you insane? People have said. Why conform to the rest of heterosexual society surely us gay / lesbian people do not have to conform to the rest of the world?

This was not a rash decision, this was not a decision made in the “after –glow” of sex, you know those decisions you make after having a great orgasm? you look at your lover, tell her you love her and ask her to marry you!

Nope this was a well thought out and planned decision.

Here are just a few of reasons to get married that people do not know about:

Couples marrying in terms of the Civil Union Act may choose whether their union is called a civil partnership or a marriage partnership.

Couples joined in a marriage partnership in terms of that act enjoy the same privileges as couples married in terms of the Marriage Act.

Transfer, Bereavement Leave, Burial Determination, Child Custody , Crime Victim’s Recovery Benefits
Divorce Protections, Domestic Violence Protection, Exemption from Property Tax on Partner’s Death
Immunity from Testifying Against Spouse, Insurance Breaks, Joint Adoption and Foster Care
Joint Bankruptcy, Joint Parenting (Insurance Coverage, School Records), Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner
Certain Property Rights , Sick Leave to Care for Partner, Visitation of Partner’s Children
Wrongful Death (Loss of Consort) Benefits, Insurance Breaks, Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner
Tax Breaks and Visitation of Partner in Hospital or Prison

As well as a logical decision this was also a decision of love, and of being in love and waking up with the realization that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The person you want to grow old with and get your blue rinses at the same hairdresser at the age of 80.

Not many people get to feel this way about someone, I thank the universe every day for having someone like her in my life, she makes the craziness of my family more bearable and my life livable.

And now let me get back to my wedding arrangements…