I suffer from a mental illness called Bipolar,Bipolar 2 to be exact. I have lived with this disease for most of my life butonly discovered at the age of 32. Until then I was in denial, I loved my mania, the highs, the euphoria, the feeling that recreational drugs give you without taking any. I refused to take medication because I thought that this would dampen my feel good feelings. Until one day these euphoric feelings came to a direct halt, I felt like I had slammed into a brick wall and fallen into a very dark hole, a hole I saw no way of getting out of.
Being Bipolar and gay does not make for an easy life, its a rollar coaster ride and if one is not on meds, its a destructive, dangerous rollar coaster ride which can derail at any time.
Friends and family need to know about this illness and need to be a constant support.
Society expects illnesses to be cured and is often not prepared to tolerate those who require constant treatment for illnesses that have no known cure.
Unfortunately, to this day, most mental illnesses are treated rather than cured.
having a family who avoids stigma at all costs, who are ashamed of people thinking that there children and family are less then perfect in the eyes of there community is very hard to not only grow up with but to live with.
Imagine having to make sure that your grades where perfect, that you never complained of anything other than curable illnesses such as the flu. Suffering from something that your parents tell you to "snap out of it" or "suck it up, life is a bitch and you have to just deal with it" or when I came out, "this is thelife you have chosen and we told you, it was not the life for you". As a result, I became secretive about how I was feeling, always tried to smile in front of my parents act tough, while I suffered inside and cried alone. I also became angry and continued to grow angry as the years went by,I used to hit walls and almost broke my knuckle.
A few years later I met my partner who became my wife/my life problem, a kind, caring, compassionate person, who has supported me through my illness and knows when my mania and my depression is at its worst, someone who without I dont think I would be stable. I am truly blessed to have such a special person in my life.
Below is some information about the illness.
what is it?
Bipolar disorder is an illness that causes severe mood swings, from the highest of highs (mania)
to the lowest of lows (depression).
Everyone has feelings of happiness, sadness, anger etc…, which are normal emotions and are part of everyday life.
Bipolar disorder in contrast is a medical condition in which people have mood swings out of proportion, or totally unrelated to what is going on in their lives. These swings affect thoughts, feelings, physical health, behaviour and functioning. It is imperative to note that bipolar disorder is not anyone's fault, nor do they have an unstable personality - it occurs due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and is more importantly, treatable.
There is no single simple cure or treatment for Bipolar Disorder.
However a combination of Education, Medication, Psychology and Support can help bipolars to change from sufferers to survivors and live fulfilling lives.
Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder
Some symptoms of Mania
The principal symptom of the manic phase is an elevated, expansive or irritable mood. The early stages may reveal one to be more active, sociable, talkative, self-confident, perceptive and creative than usual. As the mood becomes higher some or all of the following symptoms may be seen:
Decreased need for sleep
Feeling excessively good or euphoric. This is a feeling of "being on top of the world"
Creative thinking and heightened perceptions
Extreme irritability
Restless or agitated feelings
Excessive energy and excitability
Jumping from one activity to the other without ever completing anything
Rapid, unpredictable emotional changes
Irritability and anger
Racing thoughts and flights of ideas and speech
Hyperactivity, excessive plans and increased participation in numerous activities
Resulting in reckless driving, spending sprees, foolish investments etc
Inflated self-esteem and Grandiose beliefs
Self-confidence may reach the point of grandiose delusions in which one thinks one has a special connection with God, celebrities, or political leaders
Increased sexual activity
Inappropriate and impulsive behaviour
Poor judgment and lack of insight
Loss of touch with reality, and disorientation
Delusionary thoughts, hallucinations or even hearing of voices
Paranoia and delusions of being persecuted
Severe insomnia, profound weight loss and exhaustion
Some symptoms of Depression
The principle symptom of depression is a sad and despairing mood. Depending on the severity of the depression some or all of the following may be experienced:
Feeling of intense sadness
Decreased appetite and interest in food leading to weight loss
Increased or decreased need or ability to sleep
Lack of energy, excessive fatigue or tiredness
Loss of interest in work, hobbies and people
Inability to experience pleasure or feel the love and concern of others and consequently return it
Changes in self-image
Preoccupation with failure or inadequacy and thus a loss of self-esteem
Obsession with negative thoughts
Feelings of uselessness, hopelessness and excessive guilt
Hypochondriacal worries, fears or illnesses, which prove to be psychosomatic
Decreased ability to think, concentrate or remember
Decreased sexual drive
Tearfulness
Excessive use of alcohol and/or non-prescription drugs
Suicidal thoughts or actions
Now that you know some detail, find out more and if you have anyone who you think or feel has this illness, just support and love them.
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