Healthy lifestyles

I have recently began a long journey along the road of a healthy lifestyle, a supposedly life changing existance free of drug, alcohol and nicotine abuse.
why? I guess, because I woke up one morning and felt terrible. I wasnt happy in my body ( I hear you asking yourself -are women ever happy with their bodies?) It wasnt a decision taken at all lightly as I enjoy my occasional get drunk, fall down states of being and smoking up a storm cloud it was a decision to change the way I live, eat and think about myself.

This got me thinking about lesbian/gay culture and the community. Coming out as difficult as it is leads you into the club scene, with it brings the drug scene, the alcohol scene and the nicotine scene. It is quite rare that you get in touch with the health fanatics of our community because at the beginning one doesnt know where they are and asking someone to a club for a drink is far easier than asking them to join you at the gym for a fruit juice and game of squash.

Substance abuse according to psychologists results from not being comfortable with who you are as a person, coming to terms with those first feelings of sexuality is a difficult and is not a comfortable experience and from personal experience you need to be a very strong person to admit that you do not conform to societal norms.
Alcohol allowed me to hide from me, to hide me from others and what I thought they were thinking about me, to release me from my inibitions, to do things that I dont normally do and then blame it on the alcohol. It allowed me to be comfortable in places I would normally feel like a wallflower and out.
Smoking allows you to make friends while asking for a light and striking up a conversation.

So I havent quite smoking yet, but my week of detox is finally over and I hope to have more energy to go back to the gym.

It has taken me almost 9 years to feel comfortable with myself as a person and as a lesbian, now I am working towards being comfortable in my body again.

Quotes and Sayings....

I love famous quotes from movies and poets and here are some that I found quite profound and inspirational which is often needed some days.

From the Movie: Notes on a Scandal - starring Judie Dench

Barbara Covett: People anguish for years with partners who are clearly from another planet. We want so much to believe that we've found our other. It takes courage to recognize the real as opposed to the convenient.

'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?''That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.'I don't much care where --' said Alice.'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.'--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
M.K. Gandhi

Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.
Dr. Napoleon Hill

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
Franklin P. Jones

They do not love that do not show their love. The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love.
William Shakespeare

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is."
- Yogi Berra

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."
- Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')

"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)


“Some women can't say the word lesbian... even when their mouth is full of one.”
Kate Clinton quotes

“I became a lesbian because of women, because women are beautiful, strong, and compassionate.” Rita Mae Brown quotes (American Writer, b.1944)

Women who love women are Lesbians. Men, because they can only think of women in sexual terms, define Lesbian as sex between women.”
Rita Mae Brown quotes


..........

Dating games (2004)

Let the games begin....

All I can say that I have been out of the dating game for a while and getting back into it has been very difficult I have gone through evey single emotion one can possibly experience....
Stage 1 - denial: breaking up without someone you love and pretending that it didnt happen and you are living a bad dream..and trying to drink the bad dream away...result: bad hang-over, forgetting where you are half the time, being recognised by the scum that hang out at the bar!2.

Stage 2 - Lonlinesss: The stage where you start sobering up and you realise there is no warm body to cuddle up to and tell them that you love them and you are never getting drunk again in your entire life and cry on their shoulder.Result: well there is no one there to save your ass so you decide that maybe you should start getting back to the dating scene again b/c this drinking alone or with friends just isnt solving the problem

Stage 3 - Anger: This is the stage where you realise that your ex was a total and utter cow that took away your idividuality and stifled your personality because you cant really think of how to act on a first date because you dont know who you are!?Result: You still miss the ex but start to think that this freedom thing and you becoming yourself again aint such a bad idea.

Stage 4 - The Unsureness: This is the stage where you start dating regularly and you meet different people and have to try not compare them to the ex - this is a hard stage because the minute that someone reminds you negetively about your last relationship - guarenteed you going to tell them to get lost.Result: DONT COMPARE AND KEEP DATING!

Stage 5 - Let the Games begin: This is the stage where you find someone attractive and intelligent and now try and catch em to keep them...I like this part b/c it allows you to be strategic and romantic at the same time.Result: Lots of patience required for this stage.

Stage 6 - HAPPINESS: This is the contant state of euphoria that everyone looks for, that state of romance, love, lust, when you find someone special - that ideal feeling before you begin a full blown relationship...the state where you want to rip the persons cloths off when you see them, the state where you are contantly thinking about them, smsing, emailing them...wanting them.Result: MORE happiness and eventually a longer lasting affair of the heart!so let the games begin!
May 2004

7 habits of highly effective relationships....

In my opinion there are 7 basic issues that come up in relationships that can make or break them.
1.Religion: This is a prime issue its not about organised religion - ie Chritianity Vs. Judaism its about the basic belief or non-belief in G-d. Having the same belief system even if its spirituality or even athesiam. I find that 2 people who have totally different belief systems tend to clash because you cant share or have a discussion and it usually ends up in an arguement.
2. Sex: We all like sex? but some of us have higher drives than others....We also tend to like different things for example you like sado masochism and your lover likes it gentle and slow and romantic, or you want it 5 times a week and your partner only wants it once a week for an hour - THE RELATIONSHIP IS SCREWED ...literally!
3. Family: This is a nice one - for instance you are not very close to your family and they dont live near you in fact they live in the next city. Your lover / partner is close to their family and wants to see them alot and want you to go with visit them too. This creates a problem particularly if you are gay and your family has no interest in your life or your lover!
4. Finance: This difference comes in to play when there is a difference between the amounts that you earn - this has to be negotiated. Will it be on equal footing where both people contribute or will one enevitably be dependant on the other?
5. Dreams: Working towards goals and dreams together and having your lover / partner not sharing this or at least getting excited about them. Do we meet in the middle or would we prefer that your partner joins you and shares them with you?
6. Children: When one person doesnt want kids and the other does. Not every person wants little versions of themselves or can afford to have them. With straight people mistakes happen with gay people we have to plan very carefully according to the status of pockets and relationships.
7. Hobbies and Interests: This is a minor difference - but I would like to share at least some interests with my lover if not all of them so that we can do stuff together. The things that are different I would at least like to learn about. for example - you enjoy watching comedies and laugh at Austin Powers and they are into intense murder mysteries and look at you strangley and half bored when you are watching your movies.
For me? I enjoy someone that JUST GETS ME

some after thoughts....

Just in case some soon to be readers think that my writing is puritanical and boring, I do happen to be romantic and know what I as a person need and want in my life, here a blog I wrote in about 2004.

Relationships....?
I went out with a 2 friends of mine last night and we got to discussing relationships....what is it that we want from a partner / lover etc...What is it that I want? well I thought I knew what I want but it seems to change everytime I break up with someone....so I have sort of narrowed it down to a few things:
1. Intelligence
2. Maturity
3. confidence
4. Affectionate
5. Passionate
6. considerate
7. some1 who knows when to take space and gives space
8. some1 who knows when to give support
9. some1 who completely and utterly adores me
10. sum1 who doesnt judge me
11. a sense of humour
12. mutual respect
13. honesty
14. gentle
15. Someone sexual or some1 that can at least keep up!

well thats as much as I can think of today...what I dont want is to be b someones yo yo - or their part time lover or their other half when they are in the mood! I am not a cat! I am a human - you know animal with feelings!I am a hot blooded women that has needs!

Yes, I am a romantic, except for my somewhat cynical moments and I do love receiving tokens of affection in any shape or form.

V DAY!

Valentines Day , a day full of roses, wine, dine, chocolates, fluffy teddy bears and love making well at least for some people. For others I suppose its dinner with friends or perhaps dinner by themselves, but it is usually a day of romantic celebration.

my question is as a lesbian / gay person why do we celebrate a this "heterosexual" holiday? Should gay people have a holiday or a day where they can celebrate their romantic love for their lovers / partners other than Valentines day?



The origins of Valentines day differ some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.
Gradually, February 14 became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. The date was marked by sending poems and simple gifts such as flowers. There was often a social gathering or a ball.



According to history Valentine's Day started in the time of the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, February 14th was a holiday to honour Juno. Juno was the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. The Romans also knew her as the Goddess of women and marriage. The following day, February 15th, began the Feast of Lupercalia.
The lives of young boys and girls were strictly separate. However, one of the customs of the young people was name drawing. On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars. Each young man would draw a girl's name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing of the children lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.


Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. At that time it was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, indeed, to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honour of a heathen god. On these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance directed.
The pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavoured to do away with the pagan element in these feasts by substituting the names of saints for those of maidens. And as the Lupercalia began about the middle of February, the pastors appear to have chosen Saint Valentine's Day for the celebration of this new feaSt. So it seems that the custom of young men choosing maidens for valentines, or saints as patrons for the coming year, arose in this way.



Getting to my point and I know this sounds like I am the ultimate feminist, but why should I celebrate my love for my lover on a day dedicated to hetrosexual marriege and a day where some man sacrificed himself for a his religious cause.
and what if I havent dedicated my life or I dont follow an organised religion, is this day still a day of romantic celebration for me?

I have decided that Valentines day should not be the only day or romantic celebration and I dont want to conform to the norm of flowers, chocolates and fluffies.

How about one day a week where you and your loved one dedicate to romantic love?
or better yet the LGBTI community should have a vote and form our own "Valentines Day" or for arguements sake lets call it " Love your lover or other day".

I would love to know some opinions on this one!

Boobs, Booze and Body Shots..

I was reading an article the other day about lesbian parties, the article likened lesbian parties to those of “American frat house parties” , those wild drunken parties where a copious amount of alcohol is poured down a person’s throat or the active participation of a ritual called “body shots” is performed.

According to the online dictionaries, the definition of a “body Shot” is:
body shot
A body shot is a sexual way of doing shots of tequila. Your lime is held in your partner's mouth and the salt put on a body part (stomach, neck, breasts, etc) You lick the salt off of them, take your shot and then eat the lime out of their mouth.
body shot
Body or belly shots can break the ice quite quickly in a bar or at a party. The most common shot is tequila because this involves licking some salt off the holder of the shot first and then taking the lime wedge from this persons mouth afterwards. Any shot will do, however. The key to this type of shot is that there are two consenting adults involved.
Female places shot between her breasts or lies on the bar and places it in her navel.

Body shot
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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A body shot is a shot of alcohol (such as tequila) that is consumed off a person's body, usually from erogenous zones such as the navel or the breasts.
Rum cream is also considered an ideal liquor for body shots. Rum cream, a Jamaican original, has the consistency of Bailey's Irish Cream, therefore lingering in the erogenous areas longer before "running south," enabling a longer licking time.
In one version of the body shot, the person taking the shot holds a shot glass of tequila in one hand, while the person giving the shot holds a wedge of lime (or lemon) in his or her mouth. The person taking the shot then licks a body part of his or her choosing on the person giving the shot, sprinkles salt on that body part, and then licks the salt off of the body part. He or she then downs the tequila and then takes the citrus wedge out of the subject's mouth using only his or her mouth.
Which brings me to my next opinions and observation.
Body shots when you are single and want to “get it on” with someone really cute at a party is a good idea. It breaks the ice. But what happens when you are at a party with a few friends and you or your partner want to participate. Do you draw the line? Do you discuss rules? Do you “go with the flow” , Is it a turn on, is it fun, is it a matter of peer pressure or do you leave your relationship open for all to participate in something that should be and can be quite intimate?


I went to a party recently and because I was quite sober decided to sit down and watch the going’s on as a voyeur.

As a voyeur I found it extremely erotic, exciting and a turn-on, but as someone in a “closed” relationship as opposed to an “open relationship” I would not feel comfortable watching my partner lying on that bar counter or table like a slab of meat while a bunch of drunk, horny lecherous lesbians lick tequila, lime and sugar off her neck, belly button and cleavage or any other erogenous zone that should be reserved for times of intimacy with me.
I watched as people whose partners, who usually don’t even allow an occasional threesomes, let the partner go out alone or allow someone else to flirt with them, participate in this seemingly ‘innocent’ game with friends.

I realize that some people call this jealousy, insecurity or perhaps I am somewhat of a “kill joy” and old fashioned to believe in some kind of sanctity and trust between partners, and that there should be some kind of boundaries among friends. I do also realize that there are different rules for different relationships depending on people you are with. This is only my personal opinion and I know there are a lot of womyn out there who use this as foreplay.

To bring you back to my initial thoughts on whether lesbian parties are like American frat house parties, yes they are very similar and it is your choice as to what you want out of these parties and what you get out of these parties they are truly not for the feint hearted, or the judge mental types.