Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Its been a while...

Its been a while since I have posted anything on my blog, I have loads of inspiration but not much inclination among subjects such as who speaks for the children whose parents choose an alternative lifestyle, or gay pride and what a huge amount of lesbians marched this year or how so many of my gay/lesbian friends seem to be getting married or should I say "Civil Unioned" where do I start?

The only thing I feel like doing today is posting a beautiful poem sent to me by my better half!

I carry your heart with me
ee cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling i fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true) and its you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the sould can hope or mind can hide and this is the wonder thats keeping the stars apart.

i carry your heart ( i carry it in my heart)




Strange questions asked to lesbians

In the last couple of years since coming out the closet, I have been asked some of the weirdest questions by heterosexual people, some have been ignorant, some have been intelligent, some have been curious and some have been darn right rude!
I am not sure why people ask such strange questions, we dont examine the lives of heterosexual people! There are times where I feel like a mouse in a scientific lab.


Do you have a secret handshake?

Don’t you want a real man?

Can I watch?

Can I join?

Once you have had me you will change

Is it easy to spot a gay person?

How do you do it?

Do you use toys?

What about penetration? lesbians dont experience 'real' penetration.

Is homosexual love the same as heterosexual love?

Is homosexuality natural?

How can lesbians and gay men be good parents?

How do they become parents?

Do gay people molest of recruit children?

Is there discrimination?

Why is there such self hatred?

A few years ago, you moved in with a woman, after leaving the father of your children. Do you find it easier living with a woman than a man because you have more in common?

You can use the same bathroom in movie theaters, for instance.

Can you share clothes?

Does she watch sports on TV?

Do you think of her as the male figure in the relationship?

Asked to me by a straight girl: am I your type? if I said No - she said - why not I am a woman! Do lesbians have types?

Where do lesbians meet other lesbians, at strip clubs?

Why do gay men act "weird"?

Do lesbians watch porn?

Its obvious how two women can be together, it because they like the same thing in bed right?

How do you know you are a lesbian?


I refuse to answer any of these questions, why should I justify my lifestyle or life decisions to appease other peoples

Work and being out at a job...

always wondered why certain lesbians choose the certain work that they do...for instance I myself would be a (lets label it...) "soft butch" a "tom boy" "A chapstick lesbian" also known androgynous. She usually dresses quite casually and does not wear make-up,

I have have landed myself in administration work for the past 10 years after finishing Fashion School and being told that I do not fit the "designer mold" ..not sure what that meant or still means but I became quite despondant, I put myself through secretarial school and tried to be a normal corporate PA and was told that I wasn't "feminine enough" also not sure that meant, if Ellen can find a job and be accepted as the chapstick, soft butch lesbian and not have to be 'feminine' why cant the rest of us?
Unless you are truly one of those girls who people really question whether or not you are gay, the real lipstick feminine lesbian its difficult to find a company and a job who will let you wear what you want, suits included, talk about your latest lover or longstanding partner and be "out" and comfortable.
I now work in an environment which is not what you would call a 'accepting' environment. Although the Human Resources and policies are very good and protect the employee they cannot protect the employee from underlying prejudice and its hard hiding who I am and dicussing my 'partner' without calling her my wife or having to explain why I dont have kids and probably never will. In a sense I feel like I am back in the closet hiding my life. Pretending to be someone I am not. I am scared to '
come out'

Life with dogs!

Its been a long time since I have blogged. Its 2012, how on earth did the time go by so fast. This has been quite a challenging year for me. My Bipolar flared up again so meds where changed. I got a new job but I havent come out much except to about 4 people, the people are challenging the work not so much but my salary and benefits are great so I can thank the heavens that I got this job. The most challenging part of this year was getting dogs, 2 siblings I might add, a boy and a girl Yorkshire terriers. Scaramouche and Galileo. they are affectionate and naughty but loving at the same time. They dont like the cat. who ran a way for 2 weeks. I am so grateful he returned!! NOBODY told us that getting litter mates would be such hard work and that its actually considered 'illegal' to sell litter mates. For those people considering litter mates please read the below areticle first! Below is an article I found about keeping litter mates: Sibling Dogs: The Worst Of Both Worlds Buying Two Puppies The incidence of owners purchasing "Siblings", either same sex or brother and sister from the same litter or two puppies from different litters and breeds but of similar ages is now more prevalent than at any other time in living memory. The old professional dogmen and owners knew about the pitfalls and problems that this action would create. Unfortunately this knowledge now appears to have been lost on today’s dog owners. On the surface the idea of purchasing siblings appears to be highly commendable. With the busy lifestyles we now lead, it would seem feasible to take on two pups. They could stimulate each other and keep themselves company, hopefully alleviating any separation anxiety. They could also imitate the good characteristics of each other and will be able to do everything together. thereby benefitting from that closeness and companionship gleaning untold pleasure from each others company. Sounds fantastic, unfortunately the reality is far from this ideal, you really get the worst of both worlds in this scenario. The puppies come to rely on each other and it weakens both of them, often to the extent that they become withdrawn from everything other than themselves. I call it “Littermate Syndrome”. Often one of the dogs will appear bold and the other timid. In reality the bold one is actually somewhat withdrawn and timid when his littermate is not there to give support. Unfortunately it is normally a false boldness in reality he has been emboldened by the others siblings weakness. They often bark and yap at other dogs, and may either pretend to attack or actually attack to chase the other dogs away. This is normally fear based, they become so engrossed with each other that all other dogs are seen as a threat to their mutual alliance. This unfortunate pair may come to fear all other dogs and unknown people, plus any situation where they are separated from each other. The stress this causes can often then spill over into aggression against each other culminating in fighting, in some cases causing serious injury or even death, known as “Sibling Rivalry” Strangely enough the worst fights are normally between bitches who can fight to the death. Although nothing is set in stone, generally bringing together dogs with too many similar qualities, ie age, size, sex, temperament and breed, may spark a conflict. So many related characteristics make it difficult for them to decide who is the alpha or top dog; therefore fights occur because of the similarities. Often, we can inadvertently cause the conflict; owners can disturb the hierarchical balance by rushing to protect the would-be subordinate from being “bullied” or “picked on”, granting him/her liberties, such as being petted first, which the other dog may consider his due. The lower dog may now feel emboldened enough to challenge the bolder dog. We need to understand that dogs have their own set of social rules, whereas we humans just want democracy,” What Happens in the Wild?: With wild canid's the young pup's stay within their pack and play together constantly. That is true of Wolves, Wild dogs, Coyotes, Jackals, Dingoes and most other wild mammals. Whilst these litter mates are together they learn how to inhibit their bite, how to meet and greet each other and that all important body language is learned from their siblings during this time. They mainly learn meeting and greeting techniques from their siblings not the adult animals. During this time they also learn the rules regarding hierarchy, rank, and position and social interaction. That is why it is so vitally important that young pups go to puppy socialisation classes as young as possible. This all happens between the time they are born and 16 weeks. Then like a light switch being turned off they start to distance themselves from their siblings. Sleeping alone and showing aggression by threatening any sibling that approaches within a two or three foot radious often shunning extended contact with their brothers and sisters. This is an inbuilt genetic device to make sure that they absorb into the pack rather than over-bond with their littermates, which would be to the detriment of the pack as a whole hunting and working entity. Unfortunately the domestic dog doesn't have this switch, massive over-bonding can therefore occur. Their inter-relationship becomes so intense that it controls everything they do. They suffer when separated, even for small periods of time, the relationship they have with their owners may also decline and they start to look inwards rather than outwards. Siblings are also more difficult to train and in many cases will start fighting when the get to the onset of puberty. They rarely reach full maturity as they tend to be mentally and sometimes physically stunted by the closeness to each other. I have seen German Shepherds and Utonagans bought as littermates and their eyes have never become erect as with normal adult. If it can have that type of physical effect just imagine what is occuring psychologically. We see this with human twins. Schools now separate them into different classes so they can learn without the constant interaction with their twin. Parents are advised from a young age to stimulate and play with twins separately, helping them to become more rounded adults rather than a symbiotic double act. I have twin brothers and twin grandchildren so I do have some experience of this phenomenon. Fighting: In many cases where these sibling puppies have come to totally rely on each other then frustrations can play a part in causing underlying animosity. This manifests itself in aggression as they approach both physical and social maturity. Fights and squabbles may regularly break out culminating in what appears to be all out war, where they cannot stand the sight of each other. It is normally at this time when all else has failed that I am called in. Fortunately I have a very high degree of success in sorting out interdog aggression especially with two dogs in the same household whether they are siblings or just two dogs that do not appear to get on anymore, or their is a battle for superiority. If you need to break up a fight, squirt the dogs with water or make a noise aversion fallback to break the circle of aggression and to distract them. Never attempt to break up a dog fight by grabbing the dogs by their collar or getting in between them. Grabbing dogs whilst they are fighting can result in "redirected aggression," where a dog bites you because he thinks you are part of the conflict. Sometimes the problem can be resolved if, instead of protecting the underdog the owner supports the hierarchy ie the top dog. Firstly determine who is the more dominant, reinforce that position by feeding, greeting, playing or letting the top dog out first. Usually this will help, but not always. “The problem with that approach is that it’s often difficult to tell who should be the alpha dog, it is also difficult for owners to play favourites with their dogs. Two Choices: To my mind you have two choices with siblings from the same litter or two young pups from different breeds, Whilst I believe the first solution is the most practicable, which is to re-home one of them, I am also aware it is the hardest and most difficult for the owners. If not they will always be damaged by their almost total reliance on each other. If you decide to choose this alternative, you can home one of the dogs with another family member or a trusted friend. You will see dramatic improvements to the personalities of both pups. These changes occur almost immediately. Be aware that the longer you delay the harder it will be to part with one of your pups. It is a difficult and agonising decision for someone to make. However in the long run it is in yours and ultimately both your dog’s best interest. Your second choice is to create two individual dogs, with two separate identities and personalities, without the total reliance on each other that normally happens in these situations. To do this you will need to work twice as hard because all the things you did together you will now need to do totally apart. Things you must do: Everything must now be done independently to allow for the Siblings to have any chance of becoming separate entities instead of the reduced sum of the whole. Walk them separately Feed them separately Train them separately Crate them separately Play with them separately Stimulate them separately
Literally everything you do should be separate. That includes Puppy and Training classes if possible, take them to a trainer that understands the inherent difficulties of raising two puppies together. Take them on separate nights if that is available, hopefully to the same trainer. They can play together but only at strict designated times and for a period of no more than 15 minutes each designated play time. This regime will not be for life, as the pups will after a period of about 12 to 14 months have formed their own personalities and temperaments; at this age they will have become confident of their own individual abilities. Not as in most cases total inter-dependence on each other when they are raised, trained, and fed together. Without the total reliance on their sibling for constant support they will grow and blossom into much rounder and less aggressive and fearful individuals. I cannot stress how important it is to separate the siblings until they are older. It will produce two individuals rather than an impaired two parts of the whole. It is worth stating that it is not only siblings that have these problems. If you raise two young pups from different litters or even breeds, you can have similar problems. I always recommend my clients to wait till their puppy is 14 months old before purchasing another puppy. allows you to concentrate all your efforts on that individual, with a fair wind and good training it will take on some of the good traits of the older more experienced dog. I think what truly annoys me are the breeders that sell siblings knowing that it will cause behavioural problems.In some cases they actually use emotional blackmail to push two pups on the unsuspecting buyer, For instance "what a shame you can't take two as I may have problems as he's so small/white/little/runt etc and I'll probably have to have him put down in the end". I have no respect for a breeder that uses these tactics or that sell littermates to one owner. If they are experienced and not a first time breeder then they are well aware of the pitfalls of these actions, and that the dogs will suffer for the rest of their lives. You can use this article in either your own website or printed, but only with the following statement at the top of the piece with the link back to my site: Stan Rawlinson (Doglistener) is a Dog Behaviourist and Obedience Trainer who has owned and worked dogs for over 30 years, starting with Gundogs then moving on to the behavioural and obedience side of Companion Dogs. He now has a successful practice covering London , Surrey and Middlesex you can visit his Web Site at www.doglistener.co.uk or E-mail him on enquiries@doglistener.co.uk. And the statement below at the bottom of the piece -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This article was written by ©Stan (The Original Doglistener). A professional full time Dog Behaviourist and Obedience Trainer. You can visit his website at www.doglistener.co.uk for more articles and training information.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Somebody that I used to know - Love this song - reminds me of my bad break ups

GOTYE LYRICS Send "Somebody That I Used To Know" "Somebody That I Used To Know" (feat. Kimbra) [Gotye:] Now and then I think of when we were together Like when you said you felt so happy you could die Told myself that you were right for me But felt so lonely in your company But that was love and it's an ache I still remember You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness Like resignation to the end, always the end So when we found that we could not make sense Well you said that we would still be friends But I'll admit that I was glad it was over But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough No you didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records and then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now you're just somebody that I used to know [Kimbra:] Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done But I don't wanna live that way Reading into every word you say You said that you could let it go And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know [Gotye:] But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough And you didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records and then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know [x2] Somebody (I used to know) Somebody (Now you're just somebody that I used to know) (I used to know) (That I used to know) (I used to know) Somebody

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Mom, Dad I am a Bipolar bear!



I suffer from a mental illness called Bipolar,Bipolar 2 to be exact. I have lived with this disease for most of my life butonly discovered at the age of 32. Until then I was in denial, I loved my mania, the highs, the euphoria, the feeling that recreational drugs give you without taking any. I refused to take medication because I thought that this would dampen my feel good feelings. Until one day these euphoric feelings came to a direct halt, I felt like I had slammed into a brick wall and fallen into a very dark hole, a hole I saw no way of getting out of.

Being Bipolar and gay does not make for an easy life, its a rollar coaster ride and if one is not on meds, its a destructive, dangerous rollar coaster ride which can derail at any time.
Friends and family need to know about this illness and need to be a constant support.

Society expects illnesses to be cured and is often not prepared to tolerate those who require constant treatment for illnesses that have no known cure.
Unfortunately, to this day, most mental illnesses are treated rather than cured.

having a family who avoids stigma at all costs, who are ashamed of people thinking that there children and family are less then perfect in the eyes of there community is very hard to not only grow up with but to live with.
Imagine having to make sure that your grades where perfect, that you never complained of anything other than curable illnesses such as the flu. Suffering from something that your parents tell you to "snap out of it" or "suck it up, life is a bitch and you have to just deal with it" or when I came out, "this is thelife you have chosen and we told you, it was not the life for you". As a result, I became secretive about how I was feeling, always tried to smile in front of my parents act tough, while I suffered inside and cried alone. I also became angry and continued to grow angry as the years went by,I used to hit walls and almost broke my knuckle.

A few years later I met my partner who became my wife/my life problem, a kind, caring, compassionate person, who has supported me through my illness and knows when my mania and my depression is at its worst, someone who without I dont think I would be stable. I am truly blessed to have such a special person in my life.

Below is some information about the illness.

what is it?
Bipolar disorder is an illness that causes severe mood swings, from the highest of highs (mania)
to the lowest of lows (depression).

Everyone has feelings of happiness, sadness, anger etc…, which are normal emotions and are part of everyday life.
Bipolar disorder in contrast is a medical condition in which people have mood swings out of proportion, or totally unrelated to what is going on in their lives. These swings affect thoughts, feelings, physical health, behaviour and functioning. It is imperative to note that bipolar disorder is not anyone's fault, nor do they have an unstable personality - it occurs due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and is more importantly, treatable.

There is no single simple cure or treatment for Bipolar Disorder.
However a combination of Education, Medication, Psychology and Support can help bipolars to change from sufferers to survivors and live fulfilling lives.

Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder


Some symptoms of Mania
The principal symptom of the manic phase is an elevated, expansive or irritable mood. The early stages may reveal one to be more active, sociable, talkative, self-confident, perceptive and creative than usual. As the mood becomes higher some or all of the following symptoms may be seen:
Decreased need for sleep
Feeling excessively good or euphoric. This is a feeling of "being on top of the world"
Creative thinking and heightened perceptions
Extreme irritability
Restless or agitated feelings
Excessive energy and excitability
Jumping from one activity to the other without ever completing anything
Rapid, unpredictable emotional changes
Irritability and anger
Racing thoughts and flights of ideas and speech
Hyperactivity, excessive plans and increased participation in numerous activities
Resulting in reckless driving, spending sprees, foolish investments etc
Inflated self-esteem and Grandiose beliefs
Self-confidence may reach the point of grandiose delusions in which one thinks one has a special connection with God, celebrities, or political leaders
Increased sexual activity
Inappropriate and impulsive behaviour
Poor judgment and lack of insight
Loss of touch with reality, and disorientation
Delusionary thoughts, hallucinations or even hearing of voices
Paranoia and delusions of being persecuted
Severe insomnia, profound weight loss and exhaustion


Some symptoms of Depression
The principle symptom of depression is a sad and despairing mood. Depending on the severity of the depression some or all of the following may be experienced:

Feeling of intense sadness
Decreased appetite and interest in food leading to weight loss
Increased or decreased need or ability to sleep
Lack of energy, excessive fatigue or tiredness
Loss of interest in work, hobbies and people
Inability to experience pleasure or feel the love and concern of others and consequently return it
Changes in self-image
Preoccupation with failure or inadequacy and thus a loss of self-esteem
Obsession with negative thoughts
Feelings of uselessness, hopelessness and excessive guilt
Hypochondriacal worries, fears or illnesses, which prove to be psychosomatic
Decreased ability to think, concentrate or remember
Decreased sexual drive
Tearfulness
Excessive use of alcohol and/or non-prescription drugs
Suicidal thoughts or actions

Now that you know some detail, find out more and if you have anyone who you think or feel has this illness, just support and love them.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Lesbians, Animal rights and activism....




As most lesbians are very outspoken and head strong women, we tend to make great activists, I found this great article about animal activists, not that there is anything wrong with it, I love animals just as much as the next lesbian but I am talking about those women who send out the animal adoption information and then tell tell you, you are not responsible enough to take the animal.....I am of the opinion that the reason lesbians are such animal activists is because they dont have children and it fills the nurturing side of them, that ticking clock, that need to be a mom.

Dykes for Animal Rights

First published in Diva, November 1999,

©Katrina Fox 2001

The animal rights movement has always attracted a fair proportion of lesbians, and with the women's and gay movements becoming less politicized, more and more dykes are joining the struggle to end animal oppression. KATRINA FOX finds out just how far some girls will go

The Demonstrator

The animal rights movement is not made up only of young free-thinking anarchists, the pensioners are out there with a vengeance too. Norma Benny is 73 and has been actively involved in animal rights for about 20 years. She founded two groups in the late 1970 s - Lair (Lesbians for Animals' Inalienable Rights) and Sequel, which produced a magazine for isolated lesbians. "The real watershed for me was reading Peter Singer's book, Animal Liberation," she explains in a broad New Zealand accent. "I became vegetarian and then vegan. I joined Animal Aid and used to walk for miles up and down the country with a megaphone."

Although she hasn't committed any criminal acts herself, Norma is a strong supporter of militant direct-action group the Animal Liberation Front. "Everything will go to them when I die," she says. As a radical feminist, she firmly believes that direct action, such as setting fire to buildings where animal abuse is taking place, is perfectly acceptable. "If I were younger, I'd light the match myself," she says passionately.

Her reaction to those who say peaceful means are the only way forward is one of exasperation. 'Animals can't congregate, they don't know there's a demo on. We have to compensate for the fact that animals can't do a bloody thing to help themselves. Of course we have to lean towards using violence." Lesbians have a duty to end animal oppression, reckons Norma. "We're judged by who we are, and it helps our lesbian feminist cause if we're known to be compassionate." The dyke who orders meat in a restaurant is just going along with men, she adds. "Lesbians have always been radical, but if we eat meat or support animal abuse, then we're no longer radical."

Norma's friend Elsa Becket, 60, has been a keen demonstrator, too - although she admits her asthma has slowed her down over the past few years. "I used to protest at Club Road in east London in the late 1970s. It was a notorious pet market, where they'd literally produce a puppy from under a raincoat and dump any animals that weren't sold." As with many protesters, Eisa got mixed reactions from people, the most usual one being that they thought animal rights activists didn't care about human beings. "One woman came up to me and said,"Why don't you put your energy into women?' And I said, 'But I do, I'm a lesbian feminist'- but I don't know if she was convinced."

In the early days there was a lot of correlation between the abuse of women and that of animals, says Elsa. "Some of it stemmed from women being called names like 'cow' or 'bitch' but a lot of it was to do with ecology - the fact that a meat-based dietary structure is destructive to the planet and doesn't feed the world." But some dykes' reactions to vegetarianism bordered on the ridiculous, she says. "At the Camden Lesbian Centre, there used to be a policy of no meat in the building - and one lesbian complained, saying 'I'll get ill if I don't eat meat' and we would say 'but the meeting is only for three hours, surely you can last that long!'"

The Direct Action Dyke

The mainstream media does its best to convince us that direct action groups like the Animal Liberation Front are nothing but terrorists and as such, a danger to nice ordinary people. But, unlike the Blair or Clinton administrations, the ALF has never killed anyone with its bombs, says Melanie, 33 and a member of the ALF since the age of 18. "An ALF action is not about storming in and trashing a place or freeing animals with no forethought," she says. "Weeks, and sometimes months, of reconnaissance visits take place. Many operations are aborted as a result of finding people living nearby or fox or badger lairs, birds, mice and so on."

Despite the predominantly male-dominated image of animal rights activism, Melanie says that most of the ALF cells she has worked with have been primarily made up of women, who are better at planning and organising. "Many of the women involved in direct action came from Greenham Common," she says. "In fact, the older women are much more militant than the younger ones."

In 1995 Melanie was sentenced to three and a half years for burning down an abbatoir and blowing up 12 meat lorries in Gloucestershire. Friendly, positive and articulate, she is nothing like the violent terrorist the government would have us believe in. In fact, she explains, her actions were not violent. "A building doesn't have a nervous system, therefore it doesn't feel pain, so how can setting fire to it be a violent act?"

She justifies her actions by comparing the struggle to end animal abuse to other civil rights movements. "It is an animal holocaust - no one would complain if the Nazis were put out of a job because their (place of) work was destroyed. We are doing nothing different to what the black or women's movements did - there were arsons, direct action and building destruction as (part of the campaigns for) women getting the vote or blacks being freed from slavery."

So, what motivates people to cross that line and commit illegal acts? "The legal way has failed us - the animal welfare laws don't protect animals," says Melanie. "There is a risk of being caught but once you've seen animals in labs with scars all over them, fresh stitches, parts of their brains exposed, hanging upside down in abbatoirs with their throats slit and bleeding, you have to decide how far you will go."

Some would say you can't help the animals if you're in prison but Melanie, who's just finished a separate 10-month sentence for violent disorder at Hillgrove Farm which bred cats for vivisection until it closed down recently, disputes that. "Prison can be a positive experience - it's all about attitude." She managed to convert several prisoners to become vegetarian and even one prison officer to veganism.

The police can be a different matter, though. "They've always been extremely hostile to animal rights campaigners. At the station, before they go out on a demo, they're given a lot of rhetoric. On one live exports demo, they were particularly vindictive. They arrested me, put me in the van, threatened to break my arms and legs and called me a 'cunt' - and then drove me to where the calves were being electronically goaded into trucks and made me watch."

Melanie is keen to counter what she sees as the mainstream media's propaganda. Animal rights hit the headlines earlier this year, when activist Barry Horne went on hunger strike to protest at the government's failure to keep its election promise of a Royal Commission on animal experiments. It was reported that an extreme group, the Animal Rights Militia Group, issued a hit list of ten animal abusers who would be killed if Horne died. "Absolute rubbish," says Melanie. "The AR Militia Group doesn't even exist in this country. The media knew that if Barry died, the shit would hit the fan, and they wanted to make us look like idiots."

Even if it were true, Melanie believes such a group would get little support. "For all sorts of spiritual and tactical reasons, I disagree with violence and I believe that is the ALF's strength - that we don't resort to the type of butchery and savagery that our enemies show every day in their work. We would never lower ourselves to their level."

The Lesbian Vet

If you want a date, look no further than the Celia Hammond Animal Trust in Lewisham. Set up by a former 60s super-model, it provides low-cost neutering for cats and dogs and also rescues stray and abused cats. Annie Hughes, 38, is the resident vet and proudly announces that she met the love of her life there. "It didn't last long, but it was definitely the most passionate affair of my life." The old cliche about lesbians and their love of pussies could easily have started at CHAT. Women arrive by the bus-load to have their cats neutered, and Annie always enjoys exercising her dyke-spotting skills. "If I'm doing a vaccination clinic, I clock lesbians coming through and can't help having a little smile on my face." And if the grin isn't a big enough hint, there are other ways to come out, says Annie. "Sometimes I think to myself, 'How can I check this cat in a lesbian way?...'"

And if you're a bit shy, no problem. CHAT has its own resident matchmaker on hand - Celia herself. "She's always trying to match people up," says Annie. "There was one time when a lesbian couple came in to home a cat. I was in the back at the time and Celia shouted to me, 'Annie, Annie, come and
see where your favourite cat is going'. And I had never seen this cat before! They started asking me questions like,'What's her favourite food? What's her
name?'And I hadn't got a clue!"

Annie believes she has the perfect job. "I get to cuddle dogs and cats all day long," she says. A lot of the staff at CHAT are vegans, and Annie became a convert in January 1998 when she went to Goa for four months to work in a neutering clinic set up by International Animal Rescue. "I became a vegetarian at vet college. We had to work in a meat factory for two weeks to study meat hygiene, and I went off it in a very emotional way. In Goa, everyone else was vegan - I took some coffee whitener with me, but ended up developing a taste for black coffee instead!"

The veggie and the vegan

If you thought being a vegan meant giving up all those sweet, sticky oozing with chocolate sauce and other delicious fillings, think again. Elizabeth, 30, used to work in an ordinary cake shop. When she became a vegan, she didn't see why you couldn't conjure up all those delights without using eggs or other animal-based products. So successful were her efforts that she set up her own business, a few years ago, catering for birthdays, weddings or other special occasions.

So, what kind of reaction does she get from friends? "They roll their eyes and make fun of me," says Elizabeth, who's originally from the US. "But they're so surprised when they find out I can make really nice cakes and scones!"

Elizabeth comes from an agricultural background, and her family are hostile to her passion for animals. "They can't stand the fact I'm vegan. My father will try and give me things, like slipping meat into my food. I don't trust him anymore and won't eat anything he gives me."

Elizabeth's girlfriend, Sarah, 36, has been involved in animal rights for ten years. "My brother was a hunt sab and got a job at the British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection. He got our whole family involved - we went vegetarian overnight."

Sarah now works for a graphic designer firm that has a rather innovative PC policy. "We have a rule of no meat in the office." Despite going out with a vegan, Sarah remains vegetarian. "I don't eat dairy in front of her though," she smiles. "And if we go out to eat, we go to restaurants where there's a vegan option." Take note, gay cafes!

Resources

ALF Supporters Group - legal group which provides support for animal rights prisoners and produces quarterly newsletter. BM 1160, London WC1N 3XX

Sunday, February 27, 2011

"Kill The Gays" a threat to the whole of Africa!

My schedule for the day: I get up at 5.45am, have a shower, wake up my sleepy partner, get dressed, feed the cat, pack lunches, go to work for 9 hours, finish work, go to gym or taekwondo, come home make dinner, spend time with my partner, watch t.v. and go to bed! I pay my taxes, I contribute to the economy, and I give back to my community.
The only difference is that I am a lesbian. I love a woman. I live with a woman. I am married to a woman. I make love to a woman.
In Uganda I would face life imprisonment if not death.

What is wrong with the state of the world? Has the world gone mad? Has the world forgotten about Hitler, Sadam Hussein, Idi Amin?

Have the people of South Africa forgotten about Apartheid?

Correctional rape of lesbians is rife in our country and nothing is being done about it! The police laugh at the women who report it. Is this what human rights is about.

David Bahiti is a Ugandan Minister of Parliment who has proposed a "Kill the Homosexuals and Lesbians and save our children" bill.

Yesterday a BBC World Debate and Protest was held at the Urban Studios in Johannesburg South Africa.
"Is homosexuality un-african?"

This monster is a threat not only to the Gay community in Uganda but to the rest of Africa.

He proclaims that the homosexuals are going into Ugandan schools and trying to recruit kids to be gay! and he has proof! proof that he has never published.
What was published was a list of known gay activists and all their personal details, this lead to the death of David Kato, who was killed outside his house by a hammer to the head.

Here I was sitting in an audience of people from all different cultures and back grounds, it was so scary to see how so many of the straight african men agree with this stupid, ignorant man who cannot tell the difference between human trafficking, peodaphilia and Homosexuality. There is no corollation between them!

Can they not see that this is promoting hatred, intollerence and violence against gay/lesbian people and its going against all of which our beloved Madiba tried so hard to eradicate.

Bahiti said he was a Christian and it was Gods law to punish all the gays by death.
What bible does he read? Chritianity, Judiasm and Islam promote compassion and love, its only the fundamentatlists who promote the opposite.

Speaking to friends after the show, white people in South Africa are very complacement. I was actually told by a friend of mine that this situation doesnt concern her, Politics is not "her thing".

Yes it is, if this bill passes in the Ugandan Government what stops this from spreading to the rest of Africa, South Africa included!?

Is the world going to sit back and watch just as they did during the Holocaust?

I fear for my Gay and Lesbian "family" in Africa.

Dont stop fighting! We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity!

To Bahiti, you are a bastard, you are the same as Hitler, you are a vicious monster and do not deserve to call yourself a human being, lets hope the world recognises that too!
You have blood on your hands!

Please watch the interviews with Rachel Maddow.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/09/rachel-maddow-bahati-uganda-gays_n_794271.html

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

To “come out” or not to “come out” at work is the question?


In my years of working, coming out to my bosses and company has always been a difficult decision to make.

Declaring your sexual orientation to your work colleagues and company is scary for most people.

There is the opinion of why we need to, why we need to inform people of our orientation after all straight people don’t declare that they are straight.

I recently moved to a new company 6 months ago to a fairly conservative company where there are only 4 gay people including myself at our head office of 200.
I thought I would keep it to myself and hide my relationship, I was doing well until my colleague / friend invited me to her birthday party and forgot to inform me that some of my new colleagues would be there.

I walked in with my fiancé and got such a fright, I almost walked right out of the party after seeing my colleagues. What would they say? What would they think? Would they treat me differently at work? Would they tell the rest of the company? Would they gossip behind my back?

What do I do? I did what I would normally do in an uncomfortable situation at a party, head for the bar and drink a shot of “Dutch Courage”! After that I waited until they saw me and I introduced my colleagues to my future wife and waited for their reactions.

They really surprised me, they did start treating me differently, they opened up to me and welcomed me to the company and to the team with no judgment and when I got married they all contributed towards a lovely gift.

I am very lucky but there are people who have not had the acceptance in their companies, who have lost their jobs or have had derogatory comments made to them and behind their backs.

Some pro’s and con’s to consider before coming out at work:

Pros of Coming Out at Work

- You no longer have to lie about what you did over the weekend and who you did it with.
- It may end rude jokes or comments about gays and lesbians from co-workers.
- You may become closer to co-workers now that you are more open about yourself
- The stress of living a double life may go away. Your confidence and job performance could improve.
- The stress of having to hide a part of yourself may go away.

Cons of Coming Out at Your Job

- You may be fired, or let-go.
- Some co-workers may treat you differently now that they know you are gay.
- Just because you are out at work does not mean your co-workers will treat your partner as they do partners of straight co-workers.

Before you come out of the closet wearing carrying the flag and singing “I’m here, I’m queer, where is the beer” make sure you are ready. Make sure that you are ready for the negative reactions if there are any, make sure that you are wearing your leather skin to protect your feelings for nasty comments and gossip.

Assess your company, find out if there are other lesbians or gay people working there, and try get in touch with them.

Assess whether you work in a hostile or a homophobic environment, you coming out may not help the situation.

Find out if the company has a non-discrimination policy that includes protection of same sex orientation.

Although South Africa has quite a progressive constitution, small minded, bigoted people still exist in this day and age and in the world, people who still deny the holocaust and people who still believe the apartheid was a good system and people who think that raping a lesbian will set them right.

If you know that your boss is out right homophobic and has power over you, maybe coming out to him/her might not be the right decision right now.

Good luck, be careful and always be true to yourself!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

2010 what an exciting year


As we approach the end of 2010...I have decided to take a look back at this years acheivements....
what an exciting year 2010 has been!

April 2010: I propose to my girl! she says yes! we have 8 months to plan a wedding!

June 2010: from pure frustration of my last job to starting a wonderful one, its the happiest I have ever been in a job.

June 2010: South Africa hosts a successful soccer world cup, I go to my first live match.

August 2010: I bought a new car. I have never owned a car younger than 10 years old so having a 1 year old car for me is really an achievement and being able to pay it off and still have some money left over is also a huge financial achievment.

October 2010: my partner and I chose a house together, there is something to say about moving into a house that you chose with someone you want to be with, a home where there is no baggage of any exes.

October 2010: My sister gets engaged.

November 23rd 2010, the day I achieved my Taekwondo 1st degree recommended.

November 2010: we move in! even our cat is happy and very much at home.

November 2010: my sister finally has her engagement party! I come out to the rest of the family much to my mother's dismay!

November 2010: my mother decides that she wants to join us in our celebration. My father decides he does not.

December 16th, 2010 - what a momentous occasion - my partner and I tied the knot, took the plunge, got hitched! what an incredible day full of love, laughter and happiness. A day we will never forget.

What will 2011 bring?
I hope it is filled with adventure, success, love and laughter!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Giving......


Kahlil Gibran quotes “You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”

I organised a Taekwondo demo for about 40 kids at our company annual christmas party which they throw for an orphanage.

To watch these kids who have no parents, who have never experienced what many of us grew up with things as simple as a garden to play in or a new toy.

While others complain these kids were just too happy to play on the jumping castle and learn Taekwondo.

I spent most of my time playing with the kids, throwing the little ones around on the jumping castle and teaching the older kids more Taekwondo moves.

I was so touched by their smiles, their laughter and complete joy at being able to be kids.

It was food for my soul....

I am at a loss for words as I cannot explain how wonderful it was.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Some Gay terms...


Here are some weird and wonderful gay / lesbian terms that you may or may not have heard about:

Hanky code?
The hanky code is a signaling system used by gay men and members of the fetish and BDSM communities to indicate sexual preference. Signals in the hanky code are conveyed by wearing a handkerchief of a specific color or pattern in either the right or left back pocket, conveying preference to anyone in the vicinity who is familiar with the concept of the hanky code. While wearing a hanky, someone is said to be “flagging,” and the hanky code is known as flagging, the bandanna code, or the handkerchief code.


Some people have suggested that the basics of the hanky code may go as far back to the 1800s, when men in isolated regions of the American West would wear red handkerchiefs to indicate that they were willing to take a woman's role in a dance. However, this is probably apocryphal, and has never been verified. More solidly, the seeds for the hanky code appear to have been sown in the 1970s, when gay men first started wearing handkerchiefs according to guidelines published in The Village Voice, a newspaper in New York City.

There are a number of advantages to the hanky code which explain why it endures to this day. In the 1970s, when the gay community was less outspoken, the hanky code allowed gay men to communicate with each other without attracting attention, and allowed men to more easily scope out potential dates. In communities where the hanky code was prevalent, men knew that pursuing men who weren't flagging could be risky, and they could seek out partners on the basis of preference by checking their back pockets.

This code also turned out to be handy in crowded environments like gay bars, where the noise and crowd could make it hard to establish a connection with someone. As the hanky code spread in the gay community, it began to be picked up more generally in the fetish and BDSM communities, and complex permutations of colors, patterns, and placements began to proliferate.

As a general rule, someone who flags in the left pocket indicates that he or she is a top, while someone who flags in the right pocket is a bottom. Bottoms prefer to participate as recipients in sexual and fetish encounters, while tops prefer just the opposite.

Knowing about the hanky code can be useful if you are traveling to an area with a large queer or fetish-oriented population, as you might unwittingly send out a signal if you leave a handkerchief in your back pocket. However, many people rely on other social cues beyond the hanky code; if you happen to have, for example, a gray handkerchief in your right pocket while innocently riding the subway, you are unlikely to be ravaged by eager bondage tops, although someone might approach with a courteous introduction.

Gay Panic?
Gay panic is a rarely used criminal defense in which the defendant claims that he or she was so offended or upset at the revelation that the victim was homosexual that a state of temporary insanity occurred. One of the most high profile cases in which the gay panic defense was used involved Matthew Shepard, a University of Wyoming student who was viciously murdered in 1998 because of his sexual orientation.


According to the logic behind this defense, the perpetrator of a crime is thrown into a state of intense confusion and upset when the sexual orientation or gender of the victim is revealed. This state made the defendant temporarily incapable of distinguishing between right and wrong, thereby leading to an assault or murder as the defendant “instinctively” struck out at the victim. Gay panic could occur as a result of sexual advances, argue lawyers who use this defense, or it might occur when a transgender individual is outed, as was the case with Gwen Araujo, a transwoman who was murdered in 2002.

This defense is designed to reduce the culpability of the defendant in the eyes of the jury, thereby generating a reduced sentence. Defendants who use the gay panic defense are rarely absolved altogether, but the gay panic may be regarded as a mitigating circumstance which justifies a reduction of penalties.

Critics of this defense argue that because homosexuality is growing much more accepted in society, the likelihood of totally panicking at the revelation of someone's sexual orientation is unlikely. Furthermore, the gay panic defense has been used in cases where premeditation was involved, suggesting that the defendant had time to cool down and consider the situation, and he or she decided to proceed with the crime anyway.

Opponents to the gay panic defense would like to see cases like these prosecuted as hate crimes, in addition to being treated as assault or murder cases. They suggest that people who assault people on the basis of their sexual or gender orientation are fully aware of what they are doing, and while they may proceed with such assaults because of violent emotions, they are not in a state of temporary insanity. Prosecutors in several regions around the world have banded together to fight the gay panic defense, arguing that they will crack down on defense teams who attempt to use it.

Bug Party:
Bug parties are private functions, sometimes with multiple participants, where HIV positive men (at these parties called gift givers) and HIV negative men (bug chasers) willingly have unprotected sex. This often leads to the infection of the HIV negative person.

Gift Giver: An HIV positive gay man who deliberately transmits the virus, often times to bug chasers, or those willing to contract it.

Drag Top:
A drag queen that is sexually a top. Many assume drag queens are femme and therefore do not enjoy dominant sexual roles. Drag tops break this myth.

Fag Stag: A straight man drawn to the company of gay men, as aposed to Fag Hag A straight woman drawn to the company of gay men.

Party and Play:
Individual or group sex while using drugs or alcohol.

Bear:
A gay man that has a lot of body and/or facial hair. Bears are often considered to have "cuddly" bodies.

I was trying think what terms lesbians use, I have some of my own:
"LetPet" is a straight man that hangs around with lesbians!

I need to think of more!