To “come out” or not to “come out” at work is the question?

In my years of working, coming out to my bosses and company has always been a difficult decision to make.

Declaring your sexual orientation to your work colleagues and company is scary for most people.

There is the opinion of why we need to, why we need to inform people of our orientation after all straight people don’t declare that they are straight.

I recently moved to a new company 6 months ago to a fairly conservative company where there are only 4 gay people including myself at our head office of 200.
I thought I would keep it to myself and hide my relationship, I was doing well until my colleague / friend invited me to her birthday party and forgot to inform me that some of my new colleagues would be there.

I walked in with my fiancé and got such a fright, I almost walked right out of the party after seeing my colleagues. What would they say? What would they think? Would they treat me differently at work? Would they tell the rest of the company? Would they gossip behind my back?

What do I do? I did what I would normally do in an uncomfortable situation at a party, head for the bar and drink a shot of “Dutch Courage”! After that I waited until they saw me and I introduced my colleagues to my future wife and waited for their reactions.

They really surprised me, they did start treating me differently, they opened up to me and welcomed me to the company and to the team with no judgment and when I got married they all contributed towards a lovely gift.

I am very lucky but there are people who have not had the acceptance in their companies, who have lost their jobs or have had derogatory comments made to them and behind their backs.

Some pro’s and con’s to consider before coming out at work:

Pros of Coming Out at Work

- You no longer have to lie about what you did over the weekend and who you did it with.
- It may end rude jokes or comments about gays and lesbians from co-workers.
- You may become closer to co-workers now that you are more open about yourself
- The stress of living a double life may go away. Your confidence and job performance could improve.
- The stress of having to hide a part of yourself may go away.

Cons of Coming Out at Your Job

- You may be fired, or let-go.
- Some co-workers may treat you differently now that they know you are gay.
- Just because you are out at work does not mean your co-workers will treat your partner as they do partners of straight co-workers.

Before you come out of the closet wearing carrying the flag and singing “I’m here, I’m queer, where is the beer” make sure you are ready. Make sure that you are ready for the negative reactions if there are any, make sure that you are wearing your leather skin to protect your feelings for nasty comments and gossip.

Assess your company, find out if there are other lesbians or gay people working there, and try get in touch with them.

Assess whether you work in a hostile or a homophobic environment, you coming out may not help the situation.

Find out if the company has a non-discrimination policy that includes protection of same sex orientation.

Although South Africa has quite a progressive constitution, small minded, bigoted people still exist in this day and age and in the world, people who still deny the holocaust and people who still believe the apartheid was a good system and people who think that raping a lesbian will set them right.

If you know that your boss is out right homophobic and has power over you, maybe coming out to him/her might not be the right decision right now.

Good luck, be careful and always be true to yourself!