Response to a family member!

Below is just how much my girl loves me and is hurting too!

Dearest J*,

I respectfully plead that you cease to share the *Family* toxic goings on with R*

She doesn’t need to hear it, and I am sure it is not intended to be shared with her either, and if intended for her, can be said directly to her by her mom and dad. This constant reel of feedback about all their heartbreak, anger, disappoint and disapproval is just keeping these wounds raw, bleeding and open. Time to let things heal.

I know what is going on and has been said, and trust me, the versions you have been given are highly exaggerated, and I can only guess it is to mask their own guilt. There is a great love for the dramatic in that family, R* included. I* and R* are in no way innocent of their own passive aggressive mudslinging either.

Do not, for a single second, believe R* would ever have come to our wedding. That is their method of deflection for their own shame, they need some tangible reason to now vindicate them in their actions. What R*said to her Mom was in no way inflamatory. And if, for a moment, we pretend R* was going to come, I cannot fathom the level of pettiness and sheer nastiness that she would then renege because of something so small, to punish her daughter, to punish R*?!?!?!?! That would almost be a greater indictment on them, than just saying no and staying away as they are. We will not buy into any of it.

R* has every right to be angry, she need not appologies to anyone for her emotions, or be chastised for them. She has done no wrong, other than love me, and want an authentic life for herself, supported by her friends and family. Why must she be silent, and treat their ill feelings as a priority over her hurt? I see no reason she should. I have always played devils advocate with her, and tried to get her to see all sides. I have reached a point where I cannot see the other point of view, it is unfathomable. And it does matter, it is not a “So What” moment. It matters now, it will matter on the day, and it will always mater, and always be remembered.

You may react in anger towards me for my email, that is ok. We are all full of emotions at the moment. It is definitely my place to say something, and I have held my tongue enough now. Rach and I have a wonderful supportive, accepting, embracing family. My parents love her dearly, as do my sister, brother, neices, nephew, Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and even the extended family of in-laws on my sisters side, her parents loss, will become all of our absolute gain. And they will loose, they have already, and it is beyond repair, and that is entirely of their own doing, and any attempt to deflect and blame anyone else will definitely be seen right through as just that by us.

I love you, and thank you for being such a support to R*, and for loving her. This is not your fight, you cannot be the mediator without risking taking sides, which is not necessary to do when you love them all.
Let’s all focus on the good stuff now, and lets talk about and share the positives, and stop giving so much life and energy to the negative.

Much Love
C*