The gay and lesbian rules

Not that we agree with all of it, but here goes:

Every gay guy should own or have watched Beautiful Thing.
Every girl should own or watch “Boys don’t Cry”

Bad hair days are not something that can be allowed to happen to a gay man. Lesbians are, of course, exempt and even encouraged to think otherwise.
Bad hair days happen to lesbians too! Lucky we look good in hats, caps and other head accessories!

It is a gay man's right to get invites to both the Hen and Stag nights.
It is a lesbians right to get invited to both Hen and Stag nights.all lesbians should have an entourage, a group of friends, they love and hate at the same time

When spreading rumours it is okay to exaggerate the truth, as long as it makes the rumour more interesting. for sure! And as long as it’s not about you!

It is okay to be late; the heterosexuals just expect it from us. Don't make another homosexual wait too long though because it's a miracle that they are even ready on time.

When out, it is your legal duty to distract the ugly friend of some hottie with whom your best friend is trying to score. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your friend is forbidden to speak of it.

Similarly, you should always rescue a fellow homo from the clutches of any undesirable. Put your arm around him and act as their boyfriend./ girlfriend

When out, you are expected to sing along to every Britney, Christina, or Madonna song and to know every word.
For the girls K.D. Lang, Melissa Etheridge and The Indigo girls will do!

Before dating a fellow homo's ex, you are required to ask his permission. If they say no you are allowed to date them anyway.
For the girls as long as the said ex only finds out at least 3 months later!

Straight men who say they're okay with gay people but don't try to hook up with them need to be watched closely because they can't be trusted. –
for the girls – watch out for those female colleagues who want to tell you their life story, including their one and only lesbian experience as well as the unexpected lesbian ones!

If a homo's zipper is down, reach in and give his willy a shake.
Girls if a girls zipper is down and if she is hot make sure you let her know, buy her a drink and ask for her number as she should oblige knowing that you have saved her from utter humiliation and embarrassment

When a homo asks you to help him move house laugh in their face.
For the girls – when asked to help move house – bring the bakkie, a couple of butchies and beer let’s do this!

A straight guy who is drunk is still considered off limits even if he is coming on to you like a two dollar whore. –
a married, straight hot woman with 3 kids and a body to die for is off limits (unless she promises to divorce said husband and give you the full parental rights !) and even though she is hanging on your shoulder, holding your hand, and coming onto you like a two dollar whore!

Nevertheless, spooning drunk straight guys is not only acceptable, but strongly encouraged. –
cuddling, the said drunk hot married women with 3 kids and the body to die for is acceptable!

Only drink fruity chick drinks. Drinking beer is for hetero men and we're above that.
Never drink fruity chick drinks – those are for the homo boys, Whiskey, Beer and tequila shooters are the way in to being accepted to the lesbian parties!

When fighting a fellow homo degrade them verbally till you can't anymore and then commence hitting like a girl. –
When fighting a fellow lesbian – be sure to always throw the 1st verbal insult followed by a punch in the nose, make sure she is down and can’t sue you for assault!

Thou shall worship Karen Walker.
They shalt worship Ellen Degeneress

Honour thy fag hag. –
Honour thy “Let pet”

Do not sleep with your fag hag's boyfriend. If and only if he makes the first move, making out and copping a quick feel are acceptable.
Do not sleep with your “Let Pet” or said “Let Pet”’s girlfriend, occasional drunken making out is acceptable – make sure that they know not to fall in love with you!

Never hesitate to reach for the last anything. We're gay and we deserve it.

When in the bathroom it's OK to sneak a peak at your neighbour’s goodies, just don't get caught!
When in the gym it is ok to peak at your neighbours gorgeous goodies, just don’t get caught!

Do not take the name of Cher in vain.
Do not take the name K.D. Lang in vain!

Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his boyfriend, you must attempt to get a piece of the action or swear you'll tell his boyfriend.
Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on her girlfriend,expecting said friend to take you out for breakfast for the next 3 months is acceptable.

The morning after you and a fellow homo who was formerly "just a friend" have drunken doggie sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to do it again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
Girls – do not MAKE A DECISION DURING OR AFTER P.O.G (post orgasmic glow) let the feeling subside and make sure you are sober before you ask the “just a friend” to move in, marry you or have your children next week!

Don't hit on straight guys. This rule is null and void if the straight guy in question is making homophobic remarks or just being a dick in general and needs to be put in his place. In this situation a light slap on the ass is acceptable.
Do not hit on straight chics. This rule is null and void if the straight chic is making bad lesbian jokes, singing I kissed a girl and liked it or simply just being a total bitch. A small boob brush is acceptable!

Under no circumstances shall a gay man ever shop at Mr Price.
For some of the girls its ok to shop at Mr Price due to the fact that we earn much less than the gay men!

It is perfectly acceptable to mock straight men for sleeping with women. The same is not true for lesbians as they are the bodyguards of the gay community.

You should aim to be fluent in one of the following subjects: fashion, dance music, show tunes, or interior decorating.
A lesbian should aim to be fluent in the following subjects: Plumbing, Mechanics, Electronics or Woodwork

A significant period of time without gay sex may result in being downgraded to simply "amusing". Or perhaps straight!

You may not call someone your boyfriend unless he is also aware of the fact that he is your boyfriend.
You may not call someone your girlfriend unless she is also aware of the fact that she is your girlfriend and definitely do NOT call her a girlfriend until such time as you have “connected on all levels”!

There is a statute of limitations on being "bi-sexual" of two years. After the statute has expired you must choose a team, or be randomly assigned one based on your hotness.
This goes for the girls too!

Being gay also makes you a diva. This entitles you to bitch, whine, complain and just generally piss and moan about how things/people are not up to your standards. This goes for the girls too! We are gay therefore we are allowed to be picky!

Gay "seniority" is determined by length of time you have been out not by age. This is a fact!
Nothing worse then being with a 40 year old who has been out for 6 months and is still behaving like an 18 year old or worse trying to drink and drug like one!!

The word fabulous is a word of gay creation. Straight men who use it more than twice in their life are automatically assumed to be homo by association.
However straight or women or lesbians who use it obviously have gay men as friends which socially accepted in the community.

An orgy is not considered a "group date".
Lesbians don’t mention this out aloud in company unless they want to be known as the town “bicycle”
Porn is for sharing.
Girls - Gay male porn is for sharing!

Pride is not compulsory, although nevertheless a Doctor's note is required for non-attendance.
Lesbians Agree!
Desperate Housewives, The Tudors and Brothers & Sisters are compulsory viewing.
“The L Word” “Oprah”, “Ellen Degeneres”, “Survivor” and “WWE Wrestling” (for the butches) , “the Fashion channel” ( because some of girls really do need some assistance!) are compulsory viewing.

Always consult to check what your friends are wearing before you leave the house, as inadvertently choosing the same outfit will make other people think you are a couple.
Girls please check the lastest hair styles and fashion, going out in a tack suit or having your hair in a mullet style is an absolute NO NO please consult your nearest gay man!!