Sunday, December 4, 2011
Mom, Dad I am a Bipolar bear!
I suffer from a mental illness called Bipolar,Bipolar 2 to be exact. I have lived with this disease for most of my life butonly discovered at the age of 32. Until then I was in denial, I loved my mania, the highs, the euphoria, the feeling that recreational drugs give you without taking any. I refused to take medication because I thought that this would dampen my feel good feelings. Until one day these euphoric feelings came to a direct halt, I felt like I had slammed into a brick wall and fallen into a very dark hole, a hole I saw no way of getting out of.
Being Bipolar and gay does not make for an easy life, its a rollar coaster ride and if one is not on meds, its a destructive, dangerous rollar coaster ride which can derail at any time.
Friends and family need to know about this illness and need to be a constant support.
Society expects illnesses to be cured and is often not prepared to tolerate those who require constant treatment for illnesses that have no known cure.
Unfortunately, to this day, most mental illnesses are treated rather than cured.
having a family who avoids stigma at all costs, who are ashamed of people thinking that there children and family are less then perfect in the eyes of there community is very hard to not only grow up with but to live with.
Imagine having to make sure that your grades where perfect, that you never complained of anything other than curable illnesses such as the flu. Suffering from something that your parents tell you to "snap out of it" or "suck it up, life is a bitch and you have to just deal with it" or when I came out, "this is thelife you have chosen and we told you, it was not the life for you". As a result, I became secretive about how I was feeling, always tried to smile in front of my parents act tough, while I suffered inside and cried alone. I also became angry and continued to grow angry as the years went by,I used to hit walls and almost broke my knuckle.
A few years later I met my partner who became my wife/my life problem, a kind, caring, compassionate person, who has supported me through my illness and knows when my mania and my depression is at its worst, someone who without I dont think I would be stable. I am truly blessed to have such a special person in my life.
Below is some information about the illness.
what is it?
Bipolar disorder is an illness that causes severe mood swings, from the highest of highs (mania)
to the lowest of lows (depression).
Everyone has feelings of happiness, sadness, anger etc…, which are normal emotions and are part of everyday life.
Bipolar disorder in contrast is a medical condition in which people have mood swings out of proportion, or totally unrelated to what is going on in their lives. These swings affect thoughts, feelings, physical health, behaviour and functioning. It is imperative to note that bipolar disorder is not anyone's fault, nor do they have an unstable personality - it occurs due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and is more importantly, treatable.
There is no single simple cure or treatment for Bipolar Disorder.
However a combination of Education, Medication, Psychology and Support can help bipolars to change from sufferers to survivors and live fulfilling lives.
Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder
Some symptoms of Mania
The principal symptom of the manic phase is an elevated, expansive or irritable mood. The early stages may reveal one to be more active, sociable, talkative, self-confident, perceptive and creative than usual. As the mood becomes higher some or all of the following symptoms may be seen:
Decreased need for sleep
Feeling excessively good or euphoric. This is a feeling of "being on top of the world"
Creative thinking and heightened perceptions
Extreme irritability
Restless or agitated feelings
Excessive energy and excitability
Jumping from one activity to the other without ever completing anything
Rapid, unpredictable emotional changes
Irritability and anger
Racing thoughts and flights of ideas and speech
Hyperactivity, excessive plans and increased participation in numerous activities
Resulting in reckless driving, spending sprees, foolish investments etc
Inflated self-esteem and Grandiose beliefs
Self-confidence may reach the point of grandiose delusions in which one thinks one has a special connection with God, celebrities, or political leaders
Increased sexual activity
Inappropriate and impulsive behaviour
Poor judgment and lack of insight
Loss of touch with reality, and disorientation
Delusionary thoughts, hallucinations or even hearing of voices
Paranoia and delusions of being persecuted
Severe insomnia, profound weight loss and exhaustion
Some symptoms of Depression
The principle symptom of depression is a sad and despairing mood. Depending on the severity of the depression some or all of the following may be experienced:
Feeling of intense sadness
Decreased appetite and interest in food leading to weight loss
Increased or decreased need or ability to sleep
Lack of energy, excessive fatigue or tiredness
Loss of interest in work, hobbies and people
Inability to experience pleasure or feel the love and concern of others and consequently return it
Changes in self-image
Preoccupation with failure or inadequacy and thus a loss of self-esteem
Obsession with negative thoughts
Feelings of uselessness, hopelessness and excessive guilt
Hypochondriacal worries, fears or illnesses, which prove to be psychosomatic
Decreased ability to think, concentrate or remember
Decreased sexual drive
Tearfulness
Excessive use of alcohol and/or non-prescription drugs
Suicidal thoughts or actions
Now that you know some detail, find out more and if you have anyone who you think or feel has this illness, just support and love them.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Lesbians, Animal rights and activism....
As most lesbians are very outspoken and head strong women, we tend to make great activists, I found this great article about animal activists, not that there is anything wrong with it, I love animals just as much as the next lesbian but I am talking about those women who send out the animal adoption information and then tell tell you, you are not responsible enough to take the animal.....I am of the opinion that the reason lesbians are such animal activists is because they dont have children and it fills the nurturing side of them, that ticking clock, that need to be a mom.
Dykes for Animal Rights
First published in Diva, November 1999,
©Katrina Fox 2001
The animal rights movement has always attracted a fair proportion of lesbians, and with the women's and gay movements becoming less politicized, more and more dykes are joining the struggle to end animal oppression. KATRINA FOX finds out just how far some girls will go
The Demonstrator
The animal rights movement is not made up only of young free-thinking anarchists, the pensioners are out there with a vengeance too. Norma Benny is 73 and has been actively involved in animal rights for about 20 years. She founded two groups in the late 1970 s - Lair (Lesbians for Animals' Inalienable Rights) and Sequel, which produced a magazine for isolated lesbians. "The real watershed for me was reading Peter Singer's book, Animal Liberation," she explains in a broad New Zealand accent. "I became vegetarian and then vegan. I joined Animal Aid and used to walk for miles up and down the country with a megaphone."
Although she hasn't committed any criminal acts herself, Norma is a strong supporter of militant direct-action group the Animal Liberation Front. "Everything will go to them when I die," she says. As a radical feminist, she firmly believes that direct action, such as setting fire to buildings where animal abuse is taking place, is perfectly acceptable. "If I were younger, I'd light the match myself," she says passionately.
Her reaction to those who say peaceful means are the only way forward is one of exasperation. 'Animals can't congregate, they don't know there's a demo on. We have to compensate for the fact that animals can't do a bloody thing to help themselves. Of course we have to lean towards using violence." Lesbians have a duty to end animal oppression, reckons Norma. "We're judged by who we are, and it helps our lesbian feminist cause if we're known to be compassionate." The dyke who orders meat in a restaurant is just going along with men, she adds. "Lesbians have always been radical, but if we eat meat or support animal abuse, then we're no longer radical."
Norma's friend Elsa Becket, 60, has been a keen demonstrator, too - although she admits her asthma has slowed her down over the past few years. "I used to protest at Club Road in east London in the late 1970s. It was a notorious pet market, where they'd literally produce a puppy from under a raincoat and dump any animals that weren't sold." As with many protesters, Eisa got mixed reactions from people, the most usual one being that they thought animal rights activists didn't care about human beings. "One woman came up to me and said,"Why don't you put your energy into women?' And I said, 'But I do, I'm a lesbian feminist'- but I don't know if she was convinced."
In the early days there was a lot of correlation between the abuse of women and that of animals, says Elsa. "Some of it stemmed from women being called names like 'cow' or 'bitch' but a lot of it was to do with ecology - the fact that a meat-based dietary structure is destructive to the planet and doesn't feed the world." But some dykes' reactions to vegetarianism bordered on the ridiculous, she says. "At the Camden Lesbian Centre, there used to be a policy of no meat in the building - and one lesbian complained, saying 'I'll get ill if I don't eat meat' and we would say 'but the meeting is only for three hours, surely you can last that long!'"
The Direct Action Dyke
The mainstream media does its best to convince us that direct action groups like the Animal Liberation Front are nothing but terrorists and as such, a danger to nice ordinary people. But, unlike the Blair or Clinton administrations, the ALF has never killed anyone with its bombs, says Melanie, 33 and a member of the ALF since the age of 18. "An ALF action is not about storming in and trashing a place or freeing animals with no forethought," she says. "Weeks, and sometimes months, of reconnaissance visits take place. Many operations are aborted as a result of finding people living nearby or fox or badger lairs, birds, mice and so on."
Despite the predominantly male-dominated image of animal rights activism, Melanie says that most of the ALF cells she has worked with have been primarily made up of women, who are better at planning and organising. "Many of the women involved in direct action came from Greenham Common," she says. "In fact, the older women are much more militant than the younger ones."
In 1995 Melanie was sentenced to three and a half years for burning down an abbatoir and blowing up 12 meat lorries in Gloucestershire. Friendly, positive and articulate, she is nothing like the violent terrorist the government would have us believe in. In fact, she explains, her actions were not violent. "A building doesn't have a nervous system, therefore it doesn't feel pain, so how can setting fire to it be a violent act?"
She justifies her actions by comparing the struggle to end animal abuse to other civil rights movements. "It is an animal holocaust - no one would complain if the Nazis were put out of a job because their (place of) work was destroyed. We are doing nothing different to what the black or women's movements did - there were arsons, direct action and building destruction as (part of the campaigns for) women getting the vote or blacks being freed from slavery."
So, what motivates people to cross that line and commit illegal acts? "The legal way has failed us - the animal welfare laws don't protect animals," says Melanie. "There is a risk of being caught but once you've seen animals in labs with scars all over them, fresh stitches, parts of their brains exposed, hanging upside down in abbatoirs with their throats slit and bleeding, you have to decide how far you will go."
Some would say you can't help the animals if you're in prison but Melanie, who's just finished a separate 10-month sentence for violent disorder at Hillgrove Farm which bred cats for vivisection until it closed down recently, disputes that. "Prison can be a positive experience - it's all about attitude." She managed to convert several prisoners to become vegetarian and even one prison officer to veganism.
The police can be a different matter, though. "They've always been extremely hostile to animal rights campaigners. At the station, before they go out on a demo, they're given a lot of rhetoric. On one live exports demo, they were particularly vindictive. They arrested me, put me in the van, threatened to break my arms and legs and called me a 'cunt' - and then drove me to where the calves were being electronically goaded into trucks and made me watch."
Melanie is keen to counter what she sees as the mainstream media's propaganda. Animal rights hit the headlines earlier this year, when activist Barry Horne went on hunger strike to protest at the government's failure to keep its election promise of a Royal Commission on animal experiments. It was reported that an extreme group, the Animal Rights Militia Group, issued a hit list of ten animal abusers who would be killed if Horne died. "Absolute rubbish," says Melanie. "The AR Militia Group doesn't even exist in this country. The media knew that if Barry died, the shit would hit the fan, and they wanted to make us look like idiots."
Even if it were true, Melanie believes such a group would get little support. "For all sorts of spiritual and tactical reasons, I disagree with violence and I believe that is the ALF's strength - that we don't resort to the type of butchery and savagery that our enemies show every day in their work. We would never lower ourselves to their level."
The Lesbian Vet
If you want a date, look no further than the Celia Hammond Animal Trust in Lewisham. Set up by a former 60s super-model, it provides low-cost neutering for cats and dogs and also rescues stray and abused cats. Annie Hughes, 38, is the resident vet and proudly announces that she met the love of her life there. "It didn't last long, but it was definitely the most passionate affair of my life." The old cliche about lesbians and their love of pussies could easily have started at CHAT. Women arrive by the bus-load to have their cats neutered, and Annie always enjoys exercising her dyke-spotting skills. "If I'm doing a vaccination clinic, I clock lesbians coming through and can't help having a little smile on my face." And if the grin isn't a big enough hint, there are other ways to come out, says Annie. "Sometimes I think to myself, 'How can I check this cat in a lesbian way?...'"
And if you're a bit shy, no problem. CHAT has its own resident matchmaker on hand - Celia herself. "She's always trying to match people up," says Annie. "There was one time when a lesbian couple came in to home a cat. I was in the back at the time and Celia shouted to me, 'Annie, Annie, come and
see where your favourite cat is going'. And I had never seen this cat before! They started asking me questions like,'What's her favourite food? What's her
name?'And I hadn't got a clue!"
Annie believes she has the perfect job. "I get to cuddle dogs and cats all day long," she says. A lot of the staff at CHAT are vegans, and Annie became a convert in January 1998 when she went to Goa for four months to work in a neutering clinic set up by International Animal Rescue. "I became a vegetarian at vet college. We had to work in a meat factory for two weeks to study meat hygiene, and I went off it in a very emotional way. In Goa, everyone else was vegan - I took some coffee whitener with me, but ended up developing a taste for black coffee instead!"
The veggie and the vegan
If you thought being a vegan meant giving up all those sweet, sticky oozing with chocolate sauce and other delicious fillings, think again. Elizabeth, 30, used to work in an ordinary cake shop. When she became a vegan, she didn't see why you couldn't conjure up all those delights without using eggs or other animal-based products. So successful were her efforts that she set up her own business, a few years ago, catering for birthdays, weddings or other special occasions.
So, what kind of reaction does she get from friends? "They roll their eyes and make fun of me," says Elizabeth, who's originally from the US. "But they're so surprised when they find out I can make really nice cakes and scones!"
Elizabeth comes from an agricultural background, and her family are hostile to her passion for animals. "They can't stand the fact I'm vegan. My father will try and give me things, like slipping meat into my food. I don't trust him anymore and won't eat anything he gives me."
Elizabeth's girlfriend, Sarah, 36, has been involved in animal rights for ten years. "My brother was a hunt sab and got a job at the British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection. He got our whole family involved - we went vegetarian overnight."
Sarah now works for a graphic designer firm that has a rather innovative PC policy. "We have a rule of no meat in the office." Despite going out with a vegan, Sarah remains vegetarian. "I don't eat dairy in front of her though," she smiles. "And if we go out to eat, we go to restaurants where there's a vegan option." Take note, gay cafes!
Resources
ALF Supporters Group - legal group which provides support for animal rights prisoners and produces quarterly newsletter. BM 1160, London WC1N 3XX
Sunday, February 27, 2011
"Kill The Gays" a threat to the whole of Africa!
My schedule for the day: I get up at 5.45am, have a shower, wake up my sleepy partner, get dressed, feed the cat, pack lunches, go to work for 9 hours, finish work, go to gym or taekwondo, come home make dinner, spend time with my partner, watch t.v. and go to bed! I pay my taxes, I contribute to the economy, and I give back to my community.
The only difference is that I am a lesbian. I love a woman. I live with a woman. I am married to a woman. I make love to a woman.
In Uganda I would face life imprisonment if not death.
What is wrong with the state of the world? Has the world gone mad? Has the world forgotten about Hitler, Sadam Hussein, Idi Amin?
Have the people of South Africa forgotten about Apartheid?
Correctional rape of lesbians is rife in our country and nothing is being done about it! The police laugh at the women who report it. Is this what human rights is about.
David Bahiti is a Ugandan Minister of Parliment who has proposed a "Kill the Homosexuals and Lesbians and save our children" bill.
Yesterday a BBC World Debate and Protest was held at the Urban Studios in Johannesburg South Africa.
"Is homosexuality un-african?"
This monster is a threat not only to the Gay community in Uganda but to the rest of Africa.
He proclaims that the homosexuals are going into Ugandan schools and trying to recruit kids to be gay! and he has proof! proof that he has never published.
What was published was a list of known gay activists and all their personal details, this lead to the death of David Kato, who was killed outside his house by a hammer to the head.
Here I was sitting in an audience of people from all different cultures and back grounds, it was so scary to see how so many of the straight african men agree with this stupid, ignorant man who cannot tell the difference between human trafficking, peodaphilia and Homosexuality. There is no corollation between them!
Can they not see that this is promoting hatred, intollerence and violence against gay/lesbian people and its going against all of which our beloved Madiba tried so hard to eradicate.
Bahiti said he was a Christian and it was Gods law to punish all the gays by death.
What bible does he read? Chritianity, Judiasm and Islam promote compassion and love, its only the fundamentatlists who promote the opposite.
Speaking to friends after the show, white people in South Africa are very complacement. I was actually told by a friend of mine that this situation doesnt concern her, Politics is not "her thing".
Yes it is, if this bill passes in the Ugandan Government what stops this from spreading to the rest of Africa, South Africa included!?
Is the world going to sit back and watch just as they did during the Holocaust?
I fear for my Gay and Lesbian "family" in Africa.
Dont stop fighting! We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity!
To Bahiti, you are a bastard, you are the same as Hitler, you are a vicious monster and do not deserve to call yourself a human being, lets hope the world recognises that too!
You have blood on your hands!
Please watch the interviews with Rachel Maddow.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/09/rachel-maddow-bahati-uganda-gays_n_794271.html
The only difference is that I am a lesbian. I love a woman. I live with a woman. I am married to a woman. I make love to a woman.
In Uganda I would face life imprisonment if not death.
What is wrong with the state of the world? Has the world gone mad? Has the world forgotten about Hitler, Sadam Hussein, Idi Amin?
Have the people of South Africa forgotten about Apartheid?
Correctional rape of lesbians is rife in our country and nothing is being done about it! The police laugh at the women who report it. Is this what human rights is about.
David Bahiti is a Ugandan Minister of Parliment who has proposed a "Kill the Homosexuals and Lesbians and save our children" bill.
Yesterday a BBC World Debate and Protest was held at the Urban Studios in Johannesburg South Africa.
"Is homosexuality un-african?"
This monster is a threat not only to the Gay community in Uganda but to the rest of Africa.
He proclaims that the homosexuals are going into Ugandan schools and trying to recruit kids to be gay! and he has proof! proof that he has never published.
What was published was a list of known gay activists and all their personal details, this lead to the death of David Kato, who was killed outside his house by a hammer to the head.
Here I was sitting in an audience of people from all different cultures and back grounds, it was so scary to see how so many of the straight african men agree with this stupid, ignorant man who cannot tell the difference between human trafficking, peodaphilia and Homosexuality. There is no corollation between them!
Can they not see that this is promoting hatred, intollerence and violence against gay/lesbian people and its going against all of which our beloved Madiba tried so hard to eradicate.
Bahiti said he was a Christian and it was Gods law to punish all the gays by death.
What bible does he read? Chritianity, Judiasm and Islam promote compassion and love, its only the fundamentatlists who promote the opposite.
Speaking to friends after the show, white people in South Africa are very complacement. I was actually told by a friend of mine that this situation doesnt concern her, Politics is not "her thing".
Yes it is, if this bill passes in the Ugandan Government what stops this from spreading to the rest of Africa, South Africa included!?
Is the world going to sit back and watch just as they did during the Holocaust?
I fear for my Gay and Lesbian "family" in Africa.
Dont stop fighting! We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity!
To Bahiti, you are a bastard, you are the same as Hitler, you are a vicious monster and do not deserve to call yourself a human being, lets hope the world recognises that too!
You have blood on your hands!
Please watch the interviews with Rachel Maddow.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/09/rachel-maddow-bahati-uganda-gays_n_794271.html
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
To “come out” or not to “come out” at work is the question?
In my years of working, coming out to my bosses and company has always been a difficult decision to make.
Declaring your sexual orientation to your work colleagues and company is scary for most people.
There is the opinion of why we need to, why we need to inform people of our orientation after all straight people don’t declare that they are straight.
I recently moved to a new company 6 months ago to a fairly conservative company where there are only 4 gay people including myself at our head office of 200.
I thought I would keep it to myself and hide my relationship, I was doing well until my colleague / friend invited me to her birthday party and forgot to inform me that some of my new colleagues would be there.
I walked in with my fiancé and got such a fright, I almost walked right out of the party after seeing my colleagues. What would they say? What would they think? Would they treat me differently at work? Would they tell the rest of the company? Would they gossip behind my back?
What do I do? I did what I would normally do in an uncomfortable situation at a party, head for the bar and drink a shot of “Dutch Courage”! After that I waited until they saw me and I introduced my colleagues to my future wife and waited for their reactions.
They really surprised me, they did start treating me differently, they opened up to me and welcomed me to the company and to the team with no judgment and when I got married they all contributed towards a lovely gift.
I am very lucky but there are people who have not had the acceptance in their companies, who have lost their jobs or have had derogatory comments made to them and behind their backs.
Some pro’s and con’s to consider before coming out at work:
Pros of Coming Out at Work
- You no longer have to lie about what you did over the weekend and who you did it with.
- It may end rude jokes or comments about gays and lesbians from co-workers.
- You may become closer to co-workers now that you are more open about yourself
- The stress of living a double life may go away. Your confidence and job performance could improve.
- The stress of having to hide a part of yourself may go away.
Cons of Coming Out at Your Job
- You may be fired, or let-go.
- Some co-workers may treat you differently now that they know you are gay.
- Just because you are out at work does not mean your co-workers will treat your partner as they do partners of straight co-workers.
Before you come out of the closet wearing carrying the flag and singing “I’m here, I’m queer, where is the beer” make sure you are ready. Make sure that you are ready for the negative reactions if there are any, make sure that you are wearing your leather skin to protect your feelings for nasty comments and gossip.
Assess your company, find out if there are other lesbians or gay people working there, and try get in touch with them.
Assess whether you work in a hostile or a homophobic environment, you coming out may not help the situation.
Find out if the company has a non-discrimination policy that includes protection of same sex orientation.
Although South Africa has quite a progressive constitution, small minded, bigoted people still exist in this day and age and in the world, people who still deny the holocaust and people who still believe the apartheid was a good system and people who think that raping a lesbian will set them right.
If you know that your boss is out right homophobic and has power over you, maybe coming out to him/her might not be the right decision right now.
Good luck, be careful and always be true to yourself!
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